Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi, I'm new here so I hope this is okay to post this topic here. I have been seeing a lovely man for a few months now. He has gone to the beach for a few days with some of his guy friends and when I couldn't reach him last night to have our usual end of the day discussion and good nights, it caused me to go into panic mode. I didn't know if he had lost his phone, was in trouble or what had happened. I even contemplated him being with another woman. I tried to track his phone to calm my worries but I couldn't. I was unable to calm myself down and ultimately had to take some sleeping medicine and go to bed. I spoke with him this morning and turns out he was asleep and just didn't think about having our nightly chat. Anyone have any tips for how I could've calmed myself down? I spoke to him this morning and told him what triggered it and I just needed that communication. This is not the first time this has happened in a relationship for me, whenever I cannot reach my SO I go into panic mode but especially when they are away.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
There is a fear underneath your rumination and panic I think. Can you sit with pen and paper and figure out what that feeling is? What do you fear? If someone is gone from your sphere temporarily, is your fear that you are not lovable or being loved? Does it feel like abandonment? Do you feel like you have no value or are worthless if you are alone? Keep journaling and digging every day. Don't censor yourself. Especially journal when you are ruminating or panic thinking (pen to paper helps change the brain's neural pathways so that the rumination is stopped).
Once you get to the root of this feeling, this fear, then write out some self talking points and read over them over and over. I use notes, sometimes several of the same mantra, and I stick them where I see them multiple times a day. I have four notes on my computer screen right now, and I have the same notes on my dresser top, I also use my bathroom mirror. If we fear abandonment, then maybe something like "I am enough for myself" or "I fill my own emotional tank" -- I am just guessing at these mantras, figure out what works for you. The more we read these mantras, the more it sticks in our brain and becomes automatic thinking. If our "go to" thinking is "I am being abandoned again" then by rewriting our automatic, we might still go to the automatic abandonment thought but we can quickly get back to the positive not being abandoned thinking. If we feel that being alone means something bad, perhaps mantras that say being alone is helpful.
The real key is how do we feel about ourselves? It's our life's journey to heal ourselves and it is good you are willing to stay on that journey. It is for ourselves, in an act of self love.
I think Urban has given you good advise and I would try to get to the root of why this is effecting you like this....
These would be miserable feelings.... Big hug
Grounding techniques can help calm panic fairly quickly ... There are several of them however I do agree that getting to the root problem would probably help you the most.... xo
https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#physical-techniques