Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been seeing my girl friend for about 10 months now, officially "boyfriend and girlfriend" for 6. So here's what I need help with and I'm hoping some of you out there have been through this...
She is the only girl I have been with physically or emotionally. I've dating other girl in high school and went on a a few dates here and there throughout college but never have I been in a relationship before. She has, and sometimes she has talked about past boyfriends nothing specific or anything but just the fact that shes been with other guys. I have told her that I'm not interested in hearing about any other guys and her past is her past.
It really bothers me because I don't have a past and so when she starts talking about hers it makes me feel really low and a bit down. I am absolutely in love with her and the thought of her with another guy in any way past present or future makes me sick to my stomach and here is where the problem is. She has explained to me that she needs a past and that I need to realize and accept that and I do, I however just don't want to hear about it AT ALL EVER.
I know that this may be me overreacting a bit but I am a very emotional person and my emotions get the best of me some times. I try to always remember the big picture and that is out relationship and how before I met her I had no idea I could ever be this happy. I just need some advise because knowing myself I'm going to sabotage this relationship with my racing thoughts and ideas before long.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? Am I completely out of line in saying how I don't ever want to hear about her past boyfriends. Just shoot me line if you have any words of wisdom and if not thank you so much for even reading. Just knowing there's people out there that I can share this with has made it possible to get through some tough times that I otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get out of .
Thanks again
She is the only girl I have been with physically or emotionally. I've dating other girl in high school and went on a a few dates here and there throughout college but never have I been in a relationship before. She has, and sometimes she has talked about past boyfriends nothing specific or anything but just the fact that shes been with other guys. I have told her that I'm not interested in hearing about any other guys and her past is her past.
It really bothers me because I don't have a past and so when she starts talking about hers it makes me feel really low and a bit down. I am absolutely in love with her and the thought of her with another guy in any way past present or future makes me sick to my stomach and here is where the problem is. She has explained to me that she needs a past and that I need to realize and accept that and I do, I however just don't want to hear about it AT ALL EVER.
I know that this may be me overreacting a bit but I am a very emotional person and my emotions get the best of me some times. I try to always remember the big picture and that is out relationship and how before I met her I had no idea I could ever be this happy. I just need some advise because knowing myself I'm going to sabotage this relationship with my racing thoughts and ideas before long.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? Am I completely out of line in saying how I don't ever want to hear about her past boyfriends. Just shoot me line if you have any words of wisdom and if not thank you so much for even reading. Just knowing there's people out there that I can share this with has made it possible to get through some tough times that I otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get out of .
Thanks again
I think this kind of info should not be volunteered unless questions are being asked. She should respect your feelings about it and you need to be cool if she slips up. Just remind her that it's not something you like to talk about and ask her to change the subject.
Good luck.
I guess my whole point is why is it so important to her to keep bringing up past relationships? Seems to me you already made it clear the past doesn't matter to you not to mention it hurts to hear about it and personally I see no sense at all in why she keeps insisting you need to accept her past and that is what I would hit on. Maybe like I said she is the one who can't seem to forget the past and can't move ahead. These are things I guess I would find out.
To me if someone kept bring up their old flames after I expressed I do not need to hear anymore I would suggest they seek a counselor to find out why the past has to interfere with the future. I do not think you are out of line when you told her you don't want to hear about old flames after-all they have nothing to do with you. If she wants to talk about you and your behavior that is a whole different story and old flames shouldn't have anything to do with it.
Anyway if it were me in this situation I would turn the table a bit here and ask her why she is acting this way as well as why she doesn't seem to believe you when you said you have accepted her past. If she can't put it behind her there isn't much to look forward to in the future is there? Hoping you can find the answers and the past can truly be left behind. Best Wishes to you:)