Healthy Relationships Support Group

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role reversal

michellelgrd
michellelgrd
Its been awhile since i've been on here. i believe the last time i was here i was complaining about my BF treatment of me. Well since then the tables have kind of turned. i find him more sensitive and non confrontational than he used to be and I have become the aggressor. granted i am 5 months pregnant with our 3rd child but still i feel almost verbally abusive at times but tell myself he deserves it as pay back for how he used to talk to me. the main cause of my anger is that i work full time and he takes care of the kids which i really appreciate and admire BUT i also think as the stay at home parent that the rest of the home responsibilities should apply. he doesnt wash clothes, refuses to do dishes, says thats not a mans job. When i was the stay at home parent the house was spotless, and dinner was cooked and waiting on him when he got home. Now he wont even start cooking till i get home and clean the kitchen first. i know that isnt an excuse but it INFURIATES me.
luvmygirl4
luvmygirl4
You have a right to your desires and a right to voice them. In this day and age it is hardly unusual for a guy to do what was considered "women's work" a generation ago, and vice versa. You two need to come to some sort of agreement as your divergent needs are driving a rift between you. You need to solve this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Completely understand why you are angry, but being verbally abusive is not the answer, and in my opinion getting your "payback" is not a healthy approach, whether you move on from the past and work on having a healthy relationship or not.
Luvmygirl has a good point, and I agree that if you're the one working (and on top of that, pregnant) he should definitely help you around the house, but you need to find a way to voice those concerns without being abusive or it will turn into a cicle, then he will be abusive again to pay back at you and so on...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with minimoon that your turning the tables and being the abusive one is very counterproductive. I can understand the aggression though, as I was with a man for awhile who was not aggressive and I ran all over him and didn't like myself at all. At that time I didn't understand how to have a healthy relationship, and I lost respect for that guy. Later on I thought I probably should have married him :P
If your bf says it's not the man's job to do dishes, then tell him it is the man's job to go out and work and be the provider, so since he is the one staying home while you are being the provider then he can do dishes. What does he do all day?
roseBud23
roseBud23
Let him know that the excuse he gave of it being "women's work" is not valid and to give you another valid reason, because that is not how team work works.

If he expects something of you, then in the same circumstances he should expect the same of himself.

It is not a matter of women's work and men's work, it's a matter of teamwork and you don't feel his support when he's nitpicking like that and refusing to help get things done.