You did the right thing. Good for you.

Thank u, I felt guilty for a while and especially telling her we needed to not talk for a while and she got really upset like I was abandoning her, but standing back it's obvious that giving someone else happiness at the expense of your own is very unhealthy and while it helped her I don't think long term it was even the best thing for her, thanks for the support, it really helps to hear that..

No need to feel guilty.
You did what you could but you have to take care of YOU too.

I agree...you absolutely did the right thing. For BOTH of you. One sided support is not healthy. I mean, always being the giver and never the receiver or vice versa. Of course, in a relationship, there will always be times one needs more than the other but, as you said, it should never be at the expense of our own health and happiness. There have been times in my relationship my fiance needed me more than I needed him (purely speaking of that emotional support) and times when I needed more than he. And, yet other times we both needed it and we generally do a pretty good job of pony-ing up when the time calls. Knowing when we are giving too much and receiving too little and doing the right thing for ourselves and loved one is always a good and healthy thing.

Kudos to you. I hope, when the time is right, you find someone where you can find that perfect balance of all you need and want to give.

I don't blame you at all. If she ALWAYS needed cheering up and minimized your needs or problems, that wasn't balanced or fair. I have known a few men who used me as a sounding board for their woes. And also some men who expected me to be "on" all the time--always witty, always entertaining. These behaviors drove me away after a while. Best wishes in finding a companion who isn't quite so needy.

Thank u guys... Especially coming from women that makes me feel very at eas, I don't know why I even questioned myself, I guess it's just hard for me to walk away from someone I felt like needed me, but in the end I followed my gut.. It's amazing how we know these things deep down but until u can stand back and look at it objectively sometimes it's hard to listen to our instinct.. So great full for the comments and the support guy you are all awesome..

Respect is the minimum: I so agree.

Ahh...ego and selfishness, which is what your girl had...it just gets in the way of respect, doesn't it?

Don't feel guilty. It is not healthy and calls for co-dependent dysfunction. Respect yourself. You did right.

It is important in a relationship that respect works both ways, it is more important though that it starts with YOU.

Your ex failed to respect you because she had obviously been disrespectfully treated earlier in her life, sadly that was not her fault, I would at least forgive her for that if I was you.

I think he respected her plenty.

Interesting post!

This part caught my attention. " For a long time it felt really good to bring genuine happiness to her life"... reading that makes me think boundaries were out of wack from day one. In some situations a relationship may be able to be saved if the "taker" is willing to change when the "giver" puts new boundaries in place.

When we don't have healthy boundaries we build up such resentment that finally we just snap and don't have the ability to deal with the situation any more and that's when "walking away" usually happens.

If you communicated to her that you were not happy with the situation and she didn't want to change the dynamic of the relationship through counseling or just trying to be aware that both of you had feelings, not just her... I think you made the right choice for yourself.

It's fortunate that it was a dating relationship and not a marriage with children involved, because then you would have to worry about the children having to deal with a person who feels sorry for themselves and only cares about their own feelings.. I agree with your grandpa. It IS all about balance!

Thanks for the perspective shastasue, I think your probably right but it wasn't from the beginning, things were amazing in the beggining but they got rough towards the end, I definetly am under no delusion that Im a perfect person and have wondered if me handling things differently would have changed the ultimate outcome, I definetly am guilty of being the type of man that wants to help girls who have had hard lives, often at the expense of my own needs, I think twards the end I thought she was going thru a rough time in her life and I saw it as my job as her boyfriend to step up and show her extra support... I still am proud of myself for that, I really was being as selfless as I could, probably too much but I'm mentally strong and I knew what I could handle and when that line was crossed, I did have to walk away... Your so right about resentment, that's what ended it I put up a boundary and when she wasn't repecting that I ended things before I let things get resentful... Old codger you are very right that she had been treated disrespectful her whole life and it wasn't her fault and I forgave her from the start for that... The last thing I told her is that I love her and if she needs me ill have her back 100% as as a freind... I think I handled things right? I hope so

The outcome defines whether you are right, and as you say, in your estimation you was right, and so it has proven to be. In future I would avoid potential partners such as the type of this one, I guess you know that already though, and smarter you are for doing so.

You have to take care of yourself first, don't feel guilty.

Everyone thinks their problems are worse than everyone else's, including their partner. Unfortunately, put two people like that in a relationship and it creates a pulling-apart rather than a binding together sensation that ultimately destroys the relationship. But if you're healthier apart than together, then that's the way it should be in your case. No guilt or shame in that.