Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
hi all,
I have two sisters (18 and 20 years old) both of whom I used to be very very close with. My family was tight knit. Then about a year ago something began to snap. Suddenly, my sisters began to exclude me from their conversations, and inside jokes.They have both changed 360 degrees, and I can't relate to them anymore which makes me sad. I don't go visit them at college, and we barely talk to each other when we are all home together. They both have boyfriends which they regularly cheat on, and I don't visit them at college because they pressure me to go to frat parties or make me feel like a prude because I am 100% loyal to my boyfriend. They tell me I'm uptight and stiff, but honestly I have NO desire whatsoever to participate in the stuff they do. Not judging, it's their life, but they make me feel like I'm an outsider because I just wish I could have a relationship with them that doesn't involve me having to do something I don't want to do.
The last time I visited either of them, the older one who has a caring bf of 3 years, started hardcore grinding up on some stranger. Her friend who is married started doing the same with another stranger. I stood and awkwardly played on my phone. She later confronted me about how I was too "quiet" during my visit and her friends did not like me.
My 18 year old sister acts the exact same, although she is younger and at least she just downright ignores me.
I don't know if I can repair my relationship with her, or hope she grows out of this... either way it's depressing because I was so close to her growing up.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I know with my siblings, while we always love each other, we are all very different from each other, in our decisions and choices, how we live our lives. And yet, I love them more than anything, even when we aren't on the same page, even if there are times when we don't talk as often or see each other as often.
I would just take them for who they are right now, and just be content with your life, and if you have to just set some occasional boundaries with them, don't feel bad about that.
When I was your age, you couldn't pay me to go to a frat party, just because the guys were so effing gross. Bleh.
Could be the repressed self disapproval that tey are projecting onto you. A sort of " someone has to be wrong here and im not gomma admit its me"
I commend you for uoholding your values even when theyre pressed and risiculed.
It is alwayd worth it ultimately to be true to yourself and your partner.
They are probably experiencing a lot of guilt amd shame even if theyd never admit it.
My advice, see through their falsifying fascade and realize no one deep down feel good abot betrayal. (personal belief, even if its repressed)
They might not value themselves very much or believe tjey deserve monogamy or commitment. (even if tjey peoject confidence and ego)
theyre probably really insecure...
Just keep strong to your beliefs. Reaffirm why you choose them and hiw they improve youre life.
who knows? maybe one day one of them will crack and realize you were right all along.
Best thing to do is just be hzppy for them and wish them the best. Keep on lovin amd keep om setting those boundaries.
Also dont subject yourself to mistreatment. xD maybe love them from afar?
Good l7ck lady! Proud of you and your choices.
I've recently had to withdraw from my two sisters (one in law, the other much older than me)
because they are just too passive aggressive and negative to be around or talk to.
They both are unhappy in life and I feel they might see me as a unwanted reminder of their lost youth or failed marriages :( which totally sucks because I see them as the amazing women from my childhood that I always looked up to. To have them turn around on me with jealousy and resent? Absolutely heartbreaking.
I've had some resulting trauma from these relationships and with my mother which has made it hard for me to comnect with women.
I just feel like theyre gonna turn on me or start hating me.
But reminding myself that there is nohing wrong with me amd that someones resentment is really a reflextion of how they feel about myself help me distance myself from their toxcicity and their projections.
I miss them sometimes and I'll always hVe te memory of how things used to be. But I also have had to face the reality of where things are now and protect myself emotionally.
Letting go of family is hard but I remind myself
"you dont have to move on to let go"
meaning you can still be their sister but let go of trying to make the relatiomship work.
My advice, focus on yourself and your sisters can focus on themselves. Be a leader in your relationship with them and say, I know we are different, but let's stop judging each other and know that I love you. Period. Whatever they do after that is their choice. In the end the only thing you can do is control yourself and how you react.