Hello,
You can not change her, never will, will die trying, suffer in years of pain for attempting.

What are your boundaries, what will you accept, what will you compromise on, do you need to be right?

If you are not respecting yourself, then no one will.
If you are not loving and caring for yourself then no one else will.
If you are not focusing on yourself and your own self value, why ask others to help you?
Is your GF helping you be the best version of yourself you can be?

Why are you in a relationship that is causing you pain?

When you reread your own pain and frustration what does it tell you?
Are you, your best friend? what would you tell your best friend?

We can not tell you what to do, but we know if you are receiving this level of respect or lack of it will only grow to cause more pain not get better.

I pray you are healthy and safe and caring for yourself.

So in other words I'm not crazy it's not healthy for her to still associate with this person that's causing us problems and pain? Lack of respect I wouldn't ever see myself doing something like that to anyone much less someone I love

First off if she loved you she wouldn't be still talking to this woman and if shes friends with her ex that's very disrespectful and going to lunch with this woman and not inviting you would be a valid concern for me if she doesn't see where this is very wrong then you already have problems.

Is your girlfriend in agreement with you that she was in effect blackmailed and threatened. I’m trying to understand if this is a situation of your perception of events vs her perception of events.

It doesn't matter what you think about the GF behavior. She can only want to change herself. We can't make her decide she was wrong. Neither can you.

There is something I don't understand about your story so I'll just say if your GF is stabbing you in the back, you need to look at her character and her lack of integrity. You can't make her change and be a good human being. There is a saying "people show us who they are and if we are wise, we will pay attention" or something like that.

Right, there are pieces I’m not I understanding as well so that’s why I was curious if you both characterize what occurred with the friend the same way. If not that could explain why there is a disconnect.

She had left her husband and moved out just so happened she moved beside her friend, we met and dated for about 8 months and she asked me to move in with her and I did , but after I did I noticed something strange going on like her friend would be rude to me , and also would have my girlfriends ex come over witch was right next door then when he would leave she would tell her to come over witch kinda looked weird to me , but to make a long story short her friend continued until I felt uncomfortable there then she told me that she had blackmailed her and if i didn't leave that she was going to have something happen to me , then i thought well if that's true why would you even talk to this woman but idk everyone is different and thinks differently so eventually her friend succeeded and i left and my girlfriend got back with her ex , then she started texting me again and again left him and moved out of there but continues to have a relationship with her I just find that very odd , they will go out to eat but she doesn't even ask if I want to go or if I want her to bring anything back it's just weird to me and rude I'm I wrong for thinking that , she makes me out to be wrong about and believes there nothing wrong with that situation

If you are in any fear for your safety maybe you should talk with authorities

There seems to be a lot of game playing here.... a lot of drama..... If someone threatened me and my mate wanted to hang out with that person.... That would be the end of me in that relationship... It would be over for me

I think you need to take good care of you..... and I think that your girlfriend isn't very respectful

You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and I believe that starts with how you treat yourself..... big hug.....xo

Ok thanks for more context. You sure your girlfriend didn’t lie about the friend blackmailing her and you and instead this whole thing was made up by your girlfriend in order to have an excuse to go back to her ex? Or if not made it up on her own, was partnering with her friend to create this situation?

The heart wants what it wants and her heart doesn't want you, harsh I know but true sorry. I suggest you cut her loose let her go. You're hanging on and for what? Let her go you go and cry or do whatever dust yourself off and move on. Life doesn't give us years for wasting once they're gone that's it.

This sounds like a very bad situation for you. Please move on and use this energy to do something good for yourself. These people sound "Strange" and I'll just leave it at that. The GF is using you, she likes playing with your heart. Our role is to be true to the best interests of ourselves in these situations. I don't see how this relationship is good for you.