Healthy Relationships Support Group
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This is a long story. A story of many relationships that didn't work out due to death or some other cause. I honestly don't know what this is except a screwed up story of parts of my life over a long period of time.
My ex's name is Amanda D. I'm tired of saying ex. No 1 will know who I'm referring to.
I'll start off by saying that me and Amanda D were friends for nearly 13 years. She had a crush on me when we were younger but I was always dating someone else and at the time I didn't see her as anything more than a very good friend. She and I both married and went our separate ways.
I was with my wife for about 10 years and she passed away. It was not the best marriage but I loved her. She was sick throughout our marriage and I was only there because I loved her and wanted to be there for her as she was dying but I was not happy with her. We had our problems. I don't regret for 1 minute being there for her. She was my heart for so long.
Amanda D did come back into my life after my wife diedl as a friend and did talk to me and tried her best to be a good friend. She was married and was having hard times. She admitted to cheating on her husband, but told me horrible stories of how he treated her which I found horriffic and understood why she did what she did. That's something I question now but on with the story.
A year after my wife's death I tried to date again and found someone that I thought I could love but that kinda ended miserably. Her name was Stacy I'm pretty sure I talked about her in great detail in the past on here. I simply wasn't ready for a relationship. I Probably wouldn't have been interested in her if I didn't so desperately to replace my loss with someone else.
Between Stacy and Amanda D there were many women that I slept with. I just wanted to have physical touch. Most women want sex if they're planning on staying the night so I obliged not saying that I didn't really want to have sex, I could easily just lay there with them by my side and be happy. I need the touch of a woman, that intimacy more than sex. So I guess I used women a bit just to get that I'd say human contact.
When Amanda was in the process of getting her divorce we started talying a lot more. She told me about the problems she had with her ex about him not being able to trust her to not sleep around on him which should have been a red flag. The fact that the child conceived during the marriage wasn't his should have been a red flag but she explained everything away like she had the right to do what she did and I ate it up. I believed that he was the big bad wolf and she was Little Red Riding Hood.
One night she asked me to come over and we talked for hours it was 1 am. Before I even noticed and she asked if I could stay the night. She said she needed someone beside her. I knew exactly what she wanted. I had felt like that on many occasions.
I felt like I knew her and could trust her so I agreed.
I fell asleep immediately being happy and content with just her presence beside me but I guess she wanted more. I wake up to her kissing and groping me. I didn't object and that's when the relationship started
It was fast and after a month she wanted me to move in. I couldn't because she lived 30 minutes from my father that I care for on a daily basis. She would come to my house and I would go to hers. I didn't see a problem with it. I had a spare bed her daughter could sleep in and she always ended up sleeping with us no matter where we were.
Always talking about her ex and how bad he is me thinking I was like the best thing that ever happened to her because she talked about how kind and caring I was to her. I thought things were going great.
4 more months in the relationship the whole not living with her was a huge issue although we nearly saw each other every day. She started talking to other guys on Facebook and showed me messages from these guys that are trying to sleep with her and showing me how faithful she was by telling them that she's with me. The frequency of these guys messaging her on a daily basis made me mad and I asked why is she even friends with them if they're only trying to fuck her. I was starting to understand why her ex was so jealous, constantly being harassed and her saying she's taken and these guys not getting the hint. The wondering why she stayed friends with them always running through my mind. She finally blocked those guys on Facebook after a couple of arguments that it created between us but it did damage our relationship. She asked if I could move in with her again and I told her that I couldn't because of my father. I told her she could move in with me but she didn't want to because of the schools my homes zoned for and it added to the tension. She often asked me why I was so jealous of these guys on Facebook trying to have sex with her. I told her because that's all they do.
Every message you get there's some guy trying to fuck you. She started to get jealous of the women in my life, good friends that I always had even though she couldn't find anything to be jealous about. I constantly saw her on my phone because I never delete messages she saw every conversation I had with every woman for the past 3 or so years. I had to show her the dates of these conversations so she would calm down. I never asked to see her phone except once after she had gone through mine and started a fight. Nothing was found. She only kept messages from her ex which were court related. She admitted to deleting messages daily so I really didn't know what to think about that. She could easily be talking to anyone and the way she acted going through my phone made me wonder.
She got in touch with an old guy friend of hers that lives in the same town. He had just been kicked out of his house by his ex wife and had no where to go or at least that's what I was told. She let him stay the night without even saying anything to me. The next day she called and told me what was going on and I was furious! Why? Because this guy was one of the guys her ex had problems with her hanging out with in the past. She told me what was going on or probably what wouldn't make me that angry. I asked how long he was going to stay, she said she didn't know. That wasn't acceptable and we went through a long process of breaking up and getting back together. I acted like a fool apologizing to her for no reason, trying to be with her but she slowly pushed me out of her life completely. She portrayed me as being just like her ex and made me look like that evil monster her ex was. I literally had a nervous breakdown over the event and sought therapy.
3 months after the relationship I had a few fast paced flings that didn't amount to much. Met a girl Amanda S that kinda made me feel better for a short time but that ended terribly, then I started having an open sexual relationship with the bi girl named Brandy I posted about on here in a previous post. That whole sexual excursion came about because of my need to be with someone just for human contact. I think I needed Brandy for a bit. She made me feel like I was hot stuff.
What I've learned from all of my relationships is that there are 2 sides of any story and you better get both sides before decidingto be with anyone.
That people in general act like someone they're not for at least a month after you start dating them.
That you can be happy without the drama of a serious relationship.
I'm kinda still dating but I don't let passion blind me anymore I'm not looking for sex and I have no intention of having sex anytime soon even if the opportunity arises.
I have many friends and only recently discovered that you can have that physical touch without fucking someone and to be honest I'm happy with that. I don't care to be involved with anyone romantically. I admit to not knowing what I needed after my relationship with Amanda D.
Yes I admit, I'm kinda screwed up but that's me.
This turned into a jumbled up mess to be honest I don't know what this is except someone trying to make sense of their past fuck ups.
My ex's name is Amanda D. I'm tired of saying ex. No 1 will know who I'm referring to.
I'll start off by saying that me and Amanda D were friends for nearly 13 years. She had a crush on me when we were younger but I was always dating someone else and at the time I didn't see her as anything more than a very good friend. She and I both married and went our separate ways.
I was with my wife for about 10 years and she passed away. It was not the best marriage but I loved her. She was sick throughout our marriage and I was only there because I loved her and wanted to be there for her as she was dying but I was not happy with her. We had our problems. I don't regret for 1 minute being there for her. She was my heart for so long.
Amanda D did come back into my life after my wife diedl as a friend and did talk to me and tried her best to be a good friend. She was married and was having hard times. She admitted to cheating on her husband, but told me horrible stories of how he treated her which I found horriffic and understood why she did what she did. That's something I question now but on with the story.
A year after my wife's death I tried to date again and found someone that I thought I could love but that kinda ended miserably. Her name was Stacy I'm pretty sure I talked about her in great detail in the past on here. I simply wasn't ready for a relationship. I Probably wouldn't have been interested in her if I didn't so desperately to replace my loss with someone else.
Between Stacy and Amanda D there were many women that I slept with. I just wanted to have physical touch. Most women want sex if they're planning on staying the night so I obliged not saying that I didn't really want to have sex, I could easily just lay there with them by my side and be happy. I need the touch of a woman, that intimacy more than sex. So I guess I used women a bit just to get that I'd say human contact.
When Amanda was in the process of getting her divorce we started talying a lot more. She told me about the problems she had with her ex about him not being able to trust her to not sleep around on him which should have been a red flag. The fact that the child conceived during the marriage wasn't his should have been a red flag but she explained everything away like she had the right to do what she did and I ate it up. I believed that he was the big bad wolf and she was Little Red Riding Hood.
One night she asked me to come over and we talked for hours it was 1 am. Before I even noticed and she asked if I could stay the night. She said she needed someone beside her. I knew exactly what she wanted. I had felt like that on many occasions.
I felt like I knew her and could trust her so I agreed.
I fell asleep immediately being happy and content with just her presence beside me but I guess she wanted more. I wake up to her kissing and groping me. I didn't object and that's when the relationship started
It was fast and after a month she wanted me to move in. I couldn't because she lived 30 minutes from my father that I care for on a daily basis. She would come to my house and I would go to hers. I didn't see a problem with it. I had a spare bed her daughter could sleep in and she always ended up sleeping with us no matter where we were.
Always talking about her ex and how bad he is me thinking I was like the best thing that ever happened to her because she talked about how kind and caring I was to her. I thought things were going great.
4 more months in the relationship the whole not living with her was a huge issue although we nearly saw each other every day. She started talking to other guys on Facebook and showed me messages from these guys that are trying to sleep with her and showing me how faithful she was by telling them that she's with me. The frequency of these guys messaging her on a daily basis made me mad and I asked why is she even friends with them if they're only trying to fuck her. I was starting to understand why her ex was so jealous, constantly being harassed and her saying she's taken and these guys not getting the hint. The wondering why she stayed friends with them always running through my mind. She finally blocked those guys on Facebook after a couple of arguments that it created between us but it did damage our relationship. She asked if I could move in with her again and I told her that I couldn't because of my father. I told her she could move in with me but she didn't want to because of the schools my homes zoned for and it added to the tension. She often asked me why I was so jealous of these guys on Facebook trying to have sex with her. I told her because that's all they do.
Every message you get there's some guy trying to fuck you. She started to get jealous of the women in my life, good friends that I always had even though she couldn't find anything to be jealous about. I constantly saw her on my phone because I never delete messages she saw every conversation I had with every woman for the past 3 or so years. I had to show her the dates of these conversations so she would calm down. I never asked to see her phone except once after she had gone through mine and started a fight. Nothing was found. She only kept messages from her ex which were court related. She admitted to deleting messages daily so I really didn't know what to think about that. She could easily be talking to anyone and the way she acted going through my phone made me wonder.
She got in touch with an old guy friend of hers that lives in the same town. He had just been kicked out of his house by his ex wife and had no where to go or at least that's what I was told. She let him stay the night without even saying anything to me. The next day she called and told me what was going on and I was furious! Why? Because this guy was one of the guys her ex had problems with her hanging out with in the past. She told me what was going on or probably what wouldn't make me that angry. I asked how long he was going to stay, she said she didn't know. That wasn't acceptable and we went through a long process of breaking up and getting back together. I acted like a fool apologizing to her for no reason, trying to be with her but she slowly pushed me out of her life completely. She portrayed me as being just like her ex and made me look like that evil monster her ex was. I literally had a nervous breakdown over the event and sought therapy.
3 months after the relationship I had a few fast paced flings that didn't amount to much. Met a girl Amanda S that kinda made me feel better for a short time but that ended terribly, then I started having an open sexual relationship with the bi girl named Brandy I posted about on here in a previous post. That whole sexual excursion came about because of my need to be with someone just for human contact. I think I needed Brandy for a bit. She made me feel like I was hot stuff.
What I've learned from all of my relationships is that there are 2 sides of any story and you better get both sides before decidingto be with anyone.
That people in general act like someone they're not for at least a month after you start dating them.
That you can be happy without the drama of a serious relationship.
I'm kinda still dating but I don't let passion blind me anymore I'm not looking for sex and I have no intention of having sex anytime soon even if the opportunity arises.
I have many friends and only recently discovered that you can have that physical touch without fucking someone and to be honest I'm happy with that. I don't care to be involved with anyone romantically. I admit to not knowing what I needed after my relationship with Amanda D.
Yes I admit, I'm kinda screwed up but that's me.
This turned into a jumbled up mess to be honest I don't know what this is except someone trying to make sense of their past fuck ups.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I am sorry that things are so tough for you.
Maybe try dating women who are in a good place mentally.
If someone is constantly talking to you about their ex, it is a sign that she hasn't moved on.
Yours is not messy, it's dead neat and tidy. You know your priorities and you have boundaries, and that's a lot more than I can say for most people. The attitude you have will serve you well and you will, when you're ready, find a suitable and loving partner, if that's your desire. But until then, keep doing what you're doing. I think it's gracious and commendable that you look after your father, and that says a lot about who you are as a person.
Dr Phil often says 'if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you" talking about cheating and I agree with that 100 percent
I also think transparency is important in a relationship... There's nothing wrong with starting slowly
I find it strange that on FB someone is getting all of these sexual messages if one isn't looking for this type of thing ya know!
There are good people out there... I would most definitely pay attention to red flags!.... big hug...xo
I myself have had so many bad things happen in relationships- So I know how you feel. In saying that, my advise is don't give up! (It sounds like you have). Don't judge people in your future, by the people in your past. You have to realize that there are many types of people. You cant let the bad ones effect your life so much that you wont let the good ones in- If you're going to do that, you should've just stayed with them, cause they are still ruining your life. Where there is a will, there is a way- trust me. I had to get to the point where I wanted to give up on relationships too- (and I have never felt like that before) to make me change my way of thinking- & it worked, I found my fiance' and he's the best guy I've been with. Yeah, we still have problems sometimes (everyone does), but we solve it and move on. Before him, I was in the same place you are- I had dated sooooo many men- and literally felt like I was tired of expending the energy it took to date new people all the time, for it to lead nowhere. Keep your head up buddy, and stay positive- You seem like a great guy, and the right woman will come along.
Hug back at you SunCloud. When I started dating Amanda D she was 3 months away from having her divorce finalized. I didn't really consider that cheating. Papers had already been signed and filed.
I honestly should have been bothered more with her past on cheating. I'm not going to turn a blind eye to that ever again. That was definitely a red flag.
Koolman I'm a homebody and meet most women I date online. I really need to get out more in the local community and rekindle old friendships and make new ones. Thanks for the advice.
Racinggirl I haven't given up. I think I've quit being desperate and found new ways to fulfill my needs that don't envolve a posibly messy relationship. I think love will come when I'm not looking for it enjoying what my life is now.
Like they say "If you're not happy by yourself you won't be happy with anyone else ".
I'm glad you found a good man.
I used to have much lower self esteem than I do now. I used to think I needed someone to prove my self worth. Sometimes I get really depressed over it but it hurts less and less every day. I am a more confident person than I was. I know that 1 day I will find the right woman for me but I'm OK with just having great friends and meaningful relationships that aren't sexualy oriented.
I thank all of you for your responses. I literally got something out of each 1 of them.