What is normal? Who the hell knows? If it's normal for you, pal, it's normal. Sounds like you're "committed" to a set of behaviors that have become so rigid it doesn't allow for anyone else to join in, and that's become a problem. What you're looking for is your clone. But your clone would be SO much like you that you'd be bored out of your skull. I dunno, dude...gotta flex a little bit.

Don't feel bad, I too crave many of the things you crave. Now...finding a woman who agrees with them and doesn't put an astronomically high price tag on it...that's another matter. I'm with a woman who is really cool...thinks like a man...is too very independent, making her own money, likes her privacy...I'm dating my clone, and it's getting boring...I too gotta stir things up. I was really into her, body and soul, on our last date, and we ALMOST had sex, but thinks she's "too fat" (she's not) and doesn't want me to see her tummy rolls (like I care). Lack of sex is one reason we're not entirely stellar and are fizzling, and it's not from my lack of trying, being romantic, being hard, being soft...I've tried everything. Maybe she isn't into me, but she's great at kissing, so she coulda fooled me...

I can commit, and I like the comfort zone that comes from a routine, but, within the framework and structure of a routine, I like to try things, experiment, shake things up every few weeks...sexually, romantically, or it could be going to some new place and seeing some new thing that we've never seen before. Gotta shake things up.

Saturday night dates...well, it gets boring just sitting around the house with a beer in hand, watching a game and growing a big gut. You've gotta admit that it's nice to get out of the house sometimes.

I agree about the daily phonecalls/e-mails when you have nothing to say to each other. Thankfully, my sweetie and I are are on the same wavelength about that...she doesn't mind if we go a few days without talking with each other, waiting until we actually have something to say.

I too like sleeping in my own bed. Be nice to share it occasionally with someone...

Routine in life but no routine in a relatiohship: Well, this is kind of an oxymoron, don'tcha think? If you're in a rut in your own life, why wouldn't you be in a rut in a relationship? Having another human being there, you're ultimately faced with...yourself. Whatever you're doing alone is exactly what you'll end up doing with another.

Either flex a bit and open yourself up to some new things, or be happy with the routine you've established. Yep, I think you're a goof, but if you're happy being a goof, be a goof.

You're right about me not being flexible...and me being a goof! HA! I think I try to do the "right" things in a relationship but ultimately I'm more selfish then I'd like to admit. So I make the other person happy in the short term but make us both miserable in the long term! I also don't seem to care that much anymore either. The sad thing is I'm in the best shape since high school but sex doesn't really motivate me like when I was young so nobody gets to see all the hard work!! Irony at it's finest my friend! I hope it works out with your girl...she sounds cool! Thanks for the reply!

Yea your a goof!! But you're a goof who knows his "flaws". I think when the right person comes along you'll welcome her into your life that the "routine" will no longer matter. Til then enjoy yourself and all your goofiness. I wish you enough...

Hey silly goof,

I think everyone has their own definition of what normal is, but somewhere there is also a baseline (hopefully) that tells us, "This just ain't normal."

I'm no expert on relationships, rarely date, and yet I do know that we need to make certain compromises. Lack of commitment seems to be the primary goofball issue here. Seems obvious to me that if it were present, those compromises would be assumed as part of the deal. Am I right? For instance, sharing that bed, or sharing the daily tasks of dishes, preparing meals, laundry, etc. might be more welcome if you were commited to the partnership. You're young, however. Maybe you're just not commited to the idea of commitment? LOL

I agree that sometimes silences and space are okay, too. Being an introvert, I would have to insist upon it.

have you considered the fact that you really just dont want a relationship - pure and simple?

That perhaps you are entering into them because you think its the "normal" thing to do?

I mean: -
you dont want daily compainionship
you dont want to share space or a bed
you dont want to develop a relationship routine
you dont even want sex that much

Maybe where you've been a goof is not having the insight or courage to follow what you know - that you want to be single?

Theres nothing goofy about knwing what you do and don't want - its pretending and hurting others that makes you a goof.

good luck for the future - alone or in a couple.