Both !!

Probably getting to know one another, but friendship and lust can and probably should develop concurrently If one or the other is in short supply, it won't last. You've either got a friend there or the quick sparkle of lust that either burns out quickly or turns to antagonism. Not to discount either. Both are important. Friendship is the slow burn. Lust is the erotic glue that binds.

And how do YOU feel, Scarlet?

I've read Kool's response twice and still don't see an answer to the initial question. But, I'm pretty sure that's his honest answer. LOL

Good luck w/this one Scarlet!

My honest answer is: Both!

Otherwise, like I said, you've got a friendship, kind of a lukewarm connection, or you've got some red-hot passion that fizzles out or turns to antagonism. Judging by posts I read here, that is absolutely the case. I'm trying to fit in here with you other fine people.

Let's put it this way: I, like everyone else here, want to feel fully extraordinary, like the fully realized human being that I am. And I want to help any woman I'm with feel the same. That involves both a great friendship, with warmth, compassion, understanding, always being there, and a true appreciation for each other as physically beautiful specimens.

Haven't found it yet, of course, but haven't been ambitiously looking hard enough either. Work or something else was always the priority. It's high time to do so.

But it doesn't matter what I think. Each of us has to find his or her own bliss, some tone or state of mind where we can all feel our sensational best. Loving and appreciating one another helps us achieve that.

Koolman, thank you for responding. I will give you my take, however, I have a very busy day today (going to visit my children in Austin), so it will have to wait until this evening.

I just wanted you to know I'm not avoiding your request for my feelings on this.

When you have time, I'd appreciate your insights.

I think we all have to achieve a "tone", the right balance. Lust with friendship achieves that. The sparklers of lust do come and go, but when there's a cush of friendship, when we find it easy to just talk with each other, that helps us ride out dry spells in lust. Then, when lust returns, who better to have sex with than our best friend?

I think I just described what marriage is supposed to be lol.

I think I know what YOUR thoughts are, Scarlet, but I'm curious to hear YOU say them lol.

Here's a counter-question: Is sexuality PART OF getting to know one another?

I pose the question to anyone who need answer.

Of course it is! Just as much as any other part of getting to know someone!

My feeling exactly.

Ok, here are my feelings, based on my experience.

I believe a sexual relationship is secondary to establishing a relationship based on freindship, honesty and respect.
When I meet someone, I'm not thinking "am I sexually compatible with this person" or "I want to have sex with this person". My first thoughts are "is this person someone I can be friends with". Sometimes there is a sexual attraction, sometimes not. If there is, it is not something that I act upon immediately.

Many years ago I met a man, and yes, there was an attraction. But then again, my immediate response was not one of "I have to get this man in bed." The greater attraction was in his kindness, compassion and his friendship. As our friendship deepened, and as we got to know each other, learned about our backgrounds, families, goals, values, etc , the physical attraction also grew. It wasn't until several months into our relationship that we consummated our physical relationship. By this time, he was my best friend. And you are right, there is nothing better than sex with your best friend. And it still is, as we have been married for 9 years now. But to me, sex is not the most important element of the relationship. Sex doesn't hold the relationship together when things are tough.

I feel that reletionships based on sex are one dimensional, and by having sex without the other elements of a relationship, one is short changing oneself. Yes sex can ge great, but a sexual connection, once you have an emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection can be awesome.

And also I guess I just value my sexuality too much to randomly hand it out on the hopes that something greater and more lasting will develop. I would rather have something good develop and have the sex as the icing on the cake.

Scarlett ~
That was an awesome post. I haven't read a post on DS for quite a while that totally describes my own thoughts. Wow.

Thanks for that. What a breath of fresh air.

*

Koolman, if I have ever abused you previously, please disregard. The fact that I took interest in this thread was because I thought maybe someone was going to yell at you. But! I was wrong and liked the topic. Thanks for being you. LOL