*staying*sabotage*

I don't know if this will help, but here is my experience...

Before I met my current husband, I had been married and divorce. After my divorce, I became engaged to another guy, and then be broke it off.

So my experience when I met G (my current husband) was that men that I loved would eventually leave me. So during our relationship, I held back a little bit of my heart, so when he left me (and I knew he would, cuz that's what guys do) I would still a small piece of heart (love) left over to start over with. When G realized that I was sabotaging our relationship, we had a long talk. He told me that as long as I am not willing to give him 100% of myself, my heart and my love, I would be unable to take 100% of his love he was giving me. So I had to become willing to trust him entirely and risk my entire heart in order to receive with my entire heart.

It's like as long as I was guarded, and protected my ability to love, I wasn't able to give and receive the love that was out there.

Don't know if that makes any sense, but I worked for me. We celebrated our 9th anniversary on Sunday.

If possible it might be a good idea to see if you can talk to a counselor about your feelings. There are many now that can work with you according your financial situation and sometimes even at no cost to you if money is an issue.

To me it kind of sounds like because of some bad past relationships that have gone wrong it left you in some senses feeling sad angry but most of all abandoned. I think that is why you are showing some of these feelings toward your current bf.

You are not doing it to be mean or spiteful I think it is a way of trying to prove that he will not abandoned you or leave you high and dry. You want in some ways to test him if that makes sense. The only way to get over these fears is to confront them and that is why I think talking to a counselor could help you a great deal in expressing your fears,and all your feelings in a healthier way.

I also think it would be important to sit down and try to share your feelings as best you can to your bf as I feel if he can understand your actions he could help in ways to make both of you feel better about communication and having a happier relationship.

Anyway I hope this helps a bit. Wishing you the very best and hoping happier days find you very soon:)

Hmmm, but ScarlettAngel....this idea that you had about men leaving you and that's why you held back... that could be well founded couldn't it?
I think you often know when a person is right or wrong for you, or when you sense they may have issues that will prevent the relationship from moving forward--or for that matter, you might be sensing that you're not ready or available! So I'd think it would be quite reasonable and even a good idea not to commit too much of yourself to such a relationship.
I think what we're talking of is feelings of hurt, how and when you overcome them, and how fear can keep you from doing that.
I guess you felt you had an irrational fear of committing to G. An irrational fear is different from a reasoned "fear", meaning that you have reasoned that a particular relationship just won't work. When I look at it that way, I can the difference between the two kinds of pushing away.

I can totally relate scarlett. I think that's why i've "emotionally detatched myself." Sometimes I don't even feel like i'm feeling the "warm fuzzy gooey" emotions or love I should be feeling because i'm holding onto everything else or cause i'm so guarded. I hate it...

And Katie I am gonna go to a therapist. Just have to find sometime to. -..- And I want to tell him I just don't know how. :/

i know how you feel rainbow i am the same way with my boyfriend. I was in a abusive relationship before him so i hold back and don't let myself be 100% in it. It gets frustrating because i love him but im scared to invest myself in it because i don't want to get hurt.

Like the song says "sometimes you gotta love like you've never been hurt".

haha yeah.

@mamma It's been a mixture of relationships and home life that have messed me up both kinda bad. It's dissapointing and irritating when you're father is the worst example in the world.

hey, i used to have the same problem.. not wanting to let people in. and when i overcame it in my relationship, i realized my ex developed the same problem. it was like we were switching back and fourth.. when one of us would let someone in, the other one of us would do the pushing away. if there is anything i have learned from my last relationsip, it's that you have to nip these issues in the butt before they get worse. and if you can't do that in the relationship.. you need to take space for yourself. it is very damaging to the relationship. i hope you figure this out and work things out. if you need to talk message me :)

Your story is identical in every way to mine. I am 31 got married when I was 20 separated at 23 and in bad relationships my whole life. I met this absolutely amazing man he is a little younger than I am and doesn't have that much experience with women like I do with men. He is almost 26 and very mature, way more mature than my daughters father that was 37 actually. Anyways, I have been pushing him away and ignoring him on purpose too. I am mean to him and he just takes it and keeps wanting to spend time with me. I realized the other day that I am pushing him away because I am afraid of being hurt in any way. I am realizing this and hope that I can get myself in check before its to late. I want him to be able to read my mind and know exactly what to do to make me feel better when I don't even know how to make it better.

@Saphire OMG YES! I did that with my ex too! He had the same problem! Trust issues like nothing! Even worse after we broke up. Didn't want to tell me shit. I don't know if he told anyone anything else, but told me he didn't wanna tell me anything cause he "didn't want to worry me"......really. Ugh. It pissed me off. I've just finally stopped talking to him. It was a horrible breakup anyways. I don't know why I even kept talking to him. One of the stupidest things i've ever done was date him AND THEN keep talking to him afterwards. I swear.

@Kimberly Ugh yes. -..- My bf does the same thing. lol He like SPILLS his heart on the floor, but i'm just like mute almost every time. I have like no idea what to say. Ever. I feel like a mime I swear. :/ It's annoying. I'm a little afraid that he's eventually gonna get fed up with it cause I know my ex did and always badgedered me about it. But he says understands that I can't communicate my feelings as well. I get irritated when he says that. lol It's not that I can't. It's like I feel like everything's been locked away and my words have been lost. It's like i'm not able to anymore. But I think it's slowly coming back cause i'm letting myself.