Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Long time no see!
Quick update, I've been drowning in work and stressing about everything, still can't divorce yet and it's driving me insane but I'm trying to work on that.
This post is about a friend, I've known her for more than ten years and she's the kind of person who will try to help you every time she can, buuuut, she's always late... I know in mexican cultura being late is usual, but I'm not talking about being 15 minutes late... or 30, I'm talking about at least an hour.
I don't know if I'm overreacting, I've tried talking to her, I've told her "just don't tell me you're on your way when you're not, and if you're gonna be an hour late tell me so I can make other plans", I've explained that to her, that when she is that late I stop doing things because I'm waiting for her. Last week I told her I wanted to buy some new bed sheets, and the stores here close before 7 pm. She said she would drop by to go with me at 5:30, then she said she'd be late and she'd be here at 6 and I thought "oh well, at least she let me know", at 6:15 she texted me she as on her way... at 6:30 I texted her it would be best if we meet in some other time because it was already too late... and she answered at 6:50....
At this point I really don't know what to do other than not making plans with her because it's too annoying to be waiting for hours... Not sure if you guys have any advice...
Quick update, I've been drowning in work and stressing about everything, still can't divorce yet and it's driving me insane but I'm trying to work on that.
This post is about a friend, I've known her for more than ten years and she's the kind of person who will try to help you every time she can, buuuut, she's always late... I know in mexican cultura being late is usual, but I'm not talking about being 15 minutes late... or 30, I'm talking about at least an hour.
I don't know if I'm overreacting, I've tried talking to her, I've told her "just don't tell me you're on your way when you're not, and if you're gonna be an hour late tell me so I can make other plans", I've explained that to her, that when she is that late I stop doing things because I'm waiting for her. Last week I told her I wanted to buy some new bed sheets, and the stores here close before 7 pm. She said she would drop by to go with me at 5:30, then she said she'd be late and she'd be here at 6 and I thought "oh well, at least she let me know", at 6:15 she texted me she as on her way... at 6:30 I texted her it would be best if we meet in some other time because it was already too late... and she answered at 6:50....
At this point I really don't know what to do other than not making plans with her because it's too annoying to be waiting for hours... Not sure if you guys have any advice...
Any number of things could be going on with your friend, but I've never heard of mexican cultural being associated with expected lateness. Unless your friend has a mental or other illness, maybe like anxiety or IBS, it sounds more like a personality trait. Quietstorm is right, get on with your plans.
Same friend always calls me when she is out doing other things - shopping or going to a show. I feel like she is always fitting me into her life.
" ain't nobody got time fo dat" !!!
Canaan, that's actually a very common complaint foreign business men have about most latin american countries, we tend to be very relaxed about the time a meeting is scheduled.
Aronia, that's how I feel, it kinda hurts because I only have like 3 friends in this city, but at this point it's like she thinks she's doing me a favor trying to go out with me, even if that means we always have to change the plans because she was late.
Anyway what I learnt to do with him was to tell him we had to be somewhere an hour before we actually needed to be, or he needed to meet me. That way there was a chance he would hopefully show up at the time I really needed him there. I never let him know I did that.
I think some people just have a really hard time calculating the amount of time it takes them to get places. They don't do it deliberately, it is just something that is of little importance to them. My eldest son who is a highly intelligent guy is like that, his wife has her hands full teaching him to be on time.
Anyway, how I've handled it...now that I have a cell phone, and most people I know do as well (5-10 years ago, not usually the case), if they are 15 minutes late, I will try calling or texting asking what is up. If they don't respond, at 30 minutes I take off. Whether we are meeting some place, or they are coming over.
More often than not, the people who are more than 15 minutes late, well, are habitual in being late (it's happened more than once, usually more than an hour late).
Before cell phones, I still usually didn't wait around (this happened a lot with my ex-MIL a lot, she'd say she was going to show up at X, but instead show up at Y, when it was convenient for her, didn't matter I had three screaming kids with me at the time, and she was by hersel).