I know you probably think I am the most self involved person and maybe I am....for most of my life I have been the only one looking out for me. I feel like I take one step forward and ten backwards.

Your mother continues to be a stumbling block in our relationship. She comes first and what she says is the gospel and I have learned to live with the fact that I will never be the number 1 person in your life.

Now she is interfering with how I deal with Abz. Contradicting the things that I say to her and telling her how I should not do this or that. Which tickles her because she is a teen and wants to validate her actions.

I know I am a complete fuck up as a human being and parent but I really do not know how much more I can deal with. I teeter from moment to moment with just walking off and forgetting everything to slitting my wrists so I can get out of this life.

I think being out of work and stuck at home alone is making me crazy and I should be able to get off of the pity pot as soon as I am back to work.

I thought Kevin and I were doing good especially the last few months but now he tells me I have been cocky and hateful....

And according to Kevin I am just jealous!