Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I will apologize for the length of this message up front. My husband and I have been back and forth with our issues and there have been bouts of emotional infidelity on his part. We have been to counseling and worked through the issues - or so I thought.
This weekend he told me that he no longer feels the same way towards me and that he wanted to move out. He says he loves me but he just feels differently towards me lately and he is not "in love".
We have been married for almost 15 years and have 3 children. I love this man more than anything in the world even though our life together has not always been easy.
My close family is saying this is not my fault because I say things like - I am working on things and I will have to see if he will take me back and they feel as though I am taking blame for everything. What I mean by that is that there are things that have came out in discussions over the last couple of days about the way I have spoken to him in the past etc and I have went back in emails from months prior and saw how rude I really was. I know he is the one that left but I still feel an extreme amount of guilt and despair.
I told him today that we communicate badly and I would like to meet with him over dinner etc and work on re-establishing the relationship as I feel that if we are apart there is never any hope of resolving our issues and him loving me again.
I am really confused as to what to do about the whole situation. In the last couple of days he has been really nice to me and really loving and caring to the kids. I know part of that is that he misses them but it is a side of him that I normally don't see. I desperately want him back and he knows that but I am scared at the same time that if things don't work out again I will be hurt again. I am also scared that if he comes back his relationship with the kids will be like it was before with a lot of yelling and him frustrated all the time. And I am worried that if I choose the wrong option I will regret the decision for the rest of my life.
This is made worse by the fact that my parents and my sister are not necessarily supportive of this decision. Ultimately it is my decision and I know that but it is hard to feel like there is no one who agrees with trying to work things out.
I also have PTSD from the previous relationship issue which has resurfaced and is making it hard at times to cope and function. Things like eating are not important and all that matters is getting this worked out.
So I am hoping to get some hope from people who have split and have been able to work things through when the love was once apparently gone and to also get some input on how you cope with the loss of the love of your life. I am also interested to know if you were able to mend things what worked for you. I don't want to get my guard up again and get bitter because I become hateful and lash out. That is not my intent.
Please help me...I want my family back more than anything.
This weekend he told me that he no longer feels the same way towards me and that he wanted to move out. He says he loves me but he just feels differently towards me lately and he is not "in love".
We have been married for almost 15 years and have 3 children. I love this man more than anything in the world even though our life together has not always been easy.
My close family is saying this is not my fault because I say things like - I am working on things and I will have to see if he will take me back and they feel as though I am taking blame for everything. What I mean by that is that there are things that have came out in discussions over the last couple of days about the way I have spoken to him in the past etc and I have went back in emails from months prior and saw how rude I really was. I know he is the one that left but I still feel an extreme amount of guilt and despair.
I told him today that we communicate badly and I would like to meet with him over dinner etc and work on re-establishing the relationship as I feel that if we are apart there is never any hope of resolving our issues and him loving me again.
I am really confused as to what to do about the whole situation. In the last couple of days he has been really nice to me and really loving and caring to the kids. I know part of that is that he misses them but it is a side of him that I normally don't see. I desperately want him back and he knows that but I am scared at the same time that if things don't work out again I will be hurt again. I am also scared that if he comes back his relationship with the kids will be like it was before with a lot of yelling and him frustrated all the time. And I am worried that if I choose the wrong option I will regret the decision for the rest of my life.
This is made worse by the fact that my parents and my sister are not necessarily supportive of this decision. Ultimately it is my decision and I know that but it is hard to feel like there is no one who agrees with trying to work things out.
I also have PTSD from the previous relationship issue which has resurfaced and is making it hard at times to cope and function. Things like eating are not important and all that matters is getting this worked out.
So I am hoping to get some hope from people who have split and have been able to work things through when the love was once apparently gone and to also get some input on how you cope with the loss of the love of your life. I am also interested to know if you were able to mend things what worked for you. I don't want to get my guard up again and get bitter because I become hateful and lash out. That is not my intent.
Please help me...I want my family back more than anything.
In my opinion a clean break is better so if there is an opportunity to build a relationship again, you can establish boundaries and assert your wants and needs instead of catering to someone who doesn't want to keep trying.
It is definitely very painful...divorce with kids is really tough.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot change someone else. They have to want to work on and change themselves. I know it is hard to believe, but at the moment you are almost rewarding his bad behaviour by trying your hardest to be even nicer, more loving and caring in order to win him back, even though he has had the affairs etc.
As strange as it may sound, letting go and stopping trying to persuade him to come back, may actually be the answer to getting him back. If you can focus on living your life and establishing a happy life for you and the kids, he may start to realise what he is missing out on, and choose to want to come back. You need to focus on you, your health and taking care of you and the kids.