Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I dont understand my girlfriend. Last time I posted here I wrote how in her last visit (she lives 2.5 hours away) she broke up with me twice for stupid reasons. The next day after she left my home she called me crying saying she could not live without me. She apologized. She wanted to get back together. So we did. She came to visit again last Sunday until today. We spent three happy days together but today she got upset at me again and again she said she wanted to break up. The reason was that I asked her to wash her hands after she had come back from the street and was getting ready to prepare food. She had washed her hands already but only for two seconds. She barely touched the water. I am very careful about washing my hands because I have a weak immune system. I September I caught a cold and was very ill for 5 months because I have chronic fatigue syndrome. She told me she felt offended when I asked her to wash her hands. That I was insinuating she was dirty. So she said she was breaking up with me. She said the relationship was not working. I could not understand what I did that was so wrong. As I said, we had had a nice time the last three days. Everything was fine. She told me she was very happy to see me because she missed me so much. Three hours after she broke up with me and after a lot of arguing she was happy again and kissing me. We were back together. But I dont feel very happy with her. I am getting very tired of her constant breaking up. Why does she do this if she is not serious about breaking up? Why does she make me suffer saying she does not want to continue being my gf? Why say this every time something small bothers her? I dont understand her. I feel very upset with her right now. I dont even feel like talking to her. I feel she is not treating me well. I treat her like a queen. I am very loving and caring with her. She has no reason to get upset at me much less leaving me. Why does she do this? I feel very frustrated with her. I have given her my very best. But she always finds something to be upset about. And she gets very angry, to the point she says she is leaving me. That she doesnt think our relationship is working. Yesterday we went out to dinner and we were very happy. Today I tell her to wash her hands and she wants to leave me. I dont understand her. Please help me understand. I am getting very tired of her leaving me every time something small bothers her.
This is one of those situations where you will either have to accept her as she is, not expecting her to change or decide you cannot handle this forever and break it off. I cannot imagine the anxiety that comes with wondering if your significant other is going to break up with you every other hour. I, personally, could not deal with that shit but that's just me.
Regardless, you can't expect she will change even if you bring it up to her. She will have to change that behavior because she wants to. You can try giving her an ultimatium but I doubt it'll be successful. Those behaviors are generally not changed unless the individual accpets they have those behaviors, understands they are wrong, and works hard to stop them. If they don't, chances are they may temporarily cease them but, eventually, they will revert to type.
Good luck to you...with your health concerns, this nonsense is the last thing you need. You need love and compassion from a parnter...not anxiety. I hope you work to find that for yourself.
(((HUGS)))
I think it's a power struggle. She could at this very moment be making a post about you.... "My boyfriend treats me like a parent, telling me to wash my hands, like I am some sort of child"
I don't blame you for being grossed out, I am a HUGE clean freak and when people don't wash their hands it grosses me out. but if it's an adult, I feel we should just avoid their food. I like to buy those individual bags of chips, a bit more expensive, but once one of my son'sclassmates licked every one of her fingers and then rolled up the sack! eeeeeeks.. lol
anywhoo.. just try to be aware of what you are going to say to her and run it through your mind if you would want the same thing said to you.. maybe the 2 of you are mismatched?!