Hi everyone,

This is kind of long but I am at an emotional loss and even typing this out strains me emotionally and physically. I'm dating a guy, about almost four months, who was set up with me through a (former) mutual friend and her boyfriend. My current boyfriend I feel is very controlling, over powering in conversation, and condescending. Before my breaking point which I think was today, he told me he questioned my work ethic, that I needed the most emotional support out of any girl he's ever dated, and it's now been about three times that he's told me to shut the fuck up in conversation. I am very sensitive and emotional; I take to people thoughtfully and become concerned if I feel that I've done anything to upset them or push them away.

This comes into play most recently because I had a traumatic incident with my dog- I asked one of my two friends (we were like a group of three) who lives in my apartment building to take my dog out to walk because I was stuck on the subway. At the time he was very dog aggressive, and she knew that, but we did favors for each other since we all had/have dogs. I didn't know what happened but my dog bit another dog across the hall (my dog was a pit mix with severe ptsd but so loving to humans, and I was very very careful with him). This created a massive breakdown in her because it was so aggressive and scary that there was screaming and everyone on my hall ran out. She ran back to her apartment before I could get home (we live on the same floor), however I came across her boyfriend who looked at me coldly. Our other friend, who lives several floors above us with her boyfriend (she's the one who set me up with my bf), knew about it. I was so caught and lost in the moment because I knew my dog was immediately going to have to be removed. Long story short, I had to surrender him to a shelter. No shelters woud take a pit mix, so the only one was the New York ACC. They have a high rate of euthanasia, and it was the most painful feeling I've ever experienced. I couldn't break my lease, and the rental company (a huge company that monopolizes much of NYC) threatened to sue me on negligence if I didn't turn him over. About three weeks later, I learned he was euthanized. My heart is still broken, and I'm still suffering from intense depression due to the guilt of losing him and his loss. But that's not all that's happened- my friends completely retreated from me. I live on the second floor, and noticed them out together one day and felt really upset and uneasy. After my dog was surrendered and euthanized, not one of them came to my door and knocked. They didn't text, they didn't call, they didn't do anything. I posted it to social media with a beautiful photo of him, and it was certainly well known. They acted like they didn't know me, and we had been close friends before that, texting each other all the time and getting dinner. I didn't know what I had done wrong, particularly to my friend who wasn't even involved- I texted her multiple times asking to talk and if everything was okay; it all went ignored. Finally, I saw them all one night on my floor leaving my other friend's apartment with their boyfriends going out to dinner (my BF is away for several weeks on a business retreat). We kind of just stood and looked at each other. I'm still so confused, the only thing I can think of is that they wanted to distance themselves from me by association, which made me wonder even more. It was really painful having lost my dog and these two girls who I considered to be my closest friends, and my only friends. Not to mention, one set me up with my boyfriend.

Yesterday I saw them together again, it's been a month so I decided to reach out. I got a massive "fuck you with this drama bull shit" from the girl who was involved in my dog incident, and my other "friend" just ignored my text". I had had it. I was confused, and I function on the belief that if something is wrong, and someone approaches you, that you give them the respect of a verbal explanation...even if it means parting ways. I told my friend who ignored me that I felt she was cold and harsh, distant, and it was very hurtful that she hadn't reached out at all- let alone with my dog. 

This has gone down while my boyfriend's been away, he's been in the loop, but frequently plays devil's advocate. He's VERY harsh on me, and often escalates things to an aggressive standpoint (via phone) when I reach out to him to just talk. He claims he doesn't want to be used as an "ear" and he's a problem solver. It has created stress, anxiety, and fear in me when I try to bring things up with him. the statements he's made about my work ethic and emotional state have hurt me deeply. They've been so affirmative and harsh. Well, when I texted my friend who set us up that I thought she was cold (I finally stopped playing the victim and just said what is UP with you?) she responded by saying she didn't want to talk to me, that I was condescending to her, and that her boyfriend was unhappy with my behavior so much that I needed to text him and to NOT text her again. I was shocked. I have been, this entire time, confused and just reaching out. The harshest I became was when I called her cold. I texted her boyfriend, who I thought was a very decent and quiet guy, and said that i was confused. He told me she's not "equipped to deal with me".. ironic because she's a social worker... and that not to kid myself on false pretenses, the friendship was over. It stung and bit me and ripped my heart out and I felt like a stalker. Why couldn't she handle this herself? It was odd and I've never ever been in a situation like that; we're 28, I would never defer my boyfriend to speak on my behalf. On top of all of this I don't even know what I've did. I feel like i've lost my entire support system.

My boyfriend's outlook on my friend who was involved with my dog is that she's "the enemy" and a bad person- however she's close friends with my other friend who told me not to text her again. My boyfriend says he's close friends with the other girl (whose boyfriend I talked to)- after all, they were the ones who set us up. When I told him what happened, he was OUTRAGED. Not at them, but at me. He told me he didnt believe me that that happened. He told me this was going to interfere and cause our relationship to decline because now he wouldn't be able to spend time with them and me at the same time; he told me we wouldn't be able to double date with them, and he told me that he didn't believe in the accuracy of what I said and demanded I show him screenshots. He said he's known them longer than me, and that my individual parting with this girl would have a massive impact on our relationship. I cried and said our relationship is separate from social ones, it shouldn't be hinged on other people, and that he could always hang out with them, but I can't fix someone and I had tried to reach out. It wasn't good enough for him, and I became so anxious and stressed out that because of WHATEVER reason this girl and her boyfriend dislike me so much, he would break up with me because they set us up and he couldn't separate us from them. It almost feels like he prioritizes his social relationship with them over us, even though they're two separate things. Yes, in the beginning I knew him through them, but we've established our own relationship over the months- in fact, the only time we ever double dated was on our first date. When my boyfriend came to my apartment complex, he never even saw them. The conversation of course spiraled into other things, and he began a NUMERICAL LIST of what was wrong with me. My mental health, our relationship, me finding a new job (I'm switching careers hence the poor work ethic comment he's made). He said VERBATIM "I don't date people who aren't intellectual", and then he said "I don't date mentally unhealthy people". He said he's sick of giving me emotional support- something he clearly doesn't do, and that he's at the end of his rope.

I'm sitting here in my apartment; I slept all day. My dog was euthanized and not one of my two closest friends knocked on my door. My own boyfriend seems to take sides and polarize whatever I say. There is no conversation I can have with him in which he doesn't become overly pragmatic and unempathetic. I'm confused, exhausted, stressed out, lonely, hurt. I'm scared to talk to him. I'm scared for when he comes home (in June) and things start up. I feel that he only sees things through himself. I'm depressed because I've enjoyed dating him, I miss my friends, I miss my dogs. I fell asleep last night wondering what it would feel like to float away forever and let these people live without me. I feel like a burden and I'm almost catatonically weighed down. I'm scared to step out of my apartment to see these girls. I don't want to call my boyfriend and be chided. I would expect to be able to feel open with him, and that he'd be able to seperate my personal friendship with someone from our relationship. It seems so irrational to me, but I'm so scared of losing him. Someone please give me feedback. I'm so alone and confused, my brain feels like it's going to explode and I don't even want to be here... I wouldn't be happy anywhere. I'm at a loss and I have no idea what I did to deserve all of this.