I am so sorry to hear this. He doesn't behave responsibly at all, depression or not.

This is a horrible place to be, but you cannot "fix" him.

If one person checks out in a relationship for whatever reason, there is nothing the other can do.

I wasted years in my marriage of 24 years. It wasn't fair to either one of us because the fact of the matter was I had my own healing and growing to do, my own issues to address, and was not available to him on any level. I resented him trying to make me love him. Marriage counseling was a joke- trying to force a square peg into a round hole was bullshit. I wanted to be left alone to figure MYSELF out. We should have separated, or come to some other arrangement, because it wasn't going to work.

I had a comfortable, secure life. But, I couldn't keep it or stay. Wasn't going to work.

I kept myself in prison to hold onto what I had.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I think a little more details about what has transpired to this point would be helpful. But from what you've written, if your has husband "decided?" that he isn't in love with you, then there's absolutely nothing you can do to make him love you. He has to want this marriage to work as badly as you do. Going to marriage counseling wouldn't accomplish anything if he isn't willing to be open and honest about how he's feeling as well as yourself. If your marriage is worth fighting for, then keep fighting but it's hard when your spouse has clocked out....it's hurtful I know this for sure.

Is there anything that happened that causes him to be depressed; changes at work, stressing at home, family...? Maybe he is processing his feelings in a way that is being taken out in the marriage and his decision to not attend counseling is just because he is overwhelmed?...

I also understand not being able to discuss this issue with family. Sometimes it's best to not discuss issues such as this too soon, just in case the outcome is different than what you would have expected. Family can also have a one sided view that tends to favor another family member. I find the best advice is from people who don't know either of you so there would be no bias towards neither individual.

I think you should still reach out to your friend. If she is going through the same situation then I understand you not wanting to burden her but being a friend does involve a free ear and I'm sure if she knows you need her, she would be there. It's going to be hard but try to stay busy, read, watch funny movies or leave the house to get your mind off of this. You can only be patient for now, not forceful or over expressive to him. I know this is only a temporary relief but it's better than worrying.

And honestly, I don't miss him badgering me constantly about counseling and his needs, blah, blah, blah.

I was trying to find myself, and it was annoying.

So if he doesn't want this, you have to accept it.

As much as it hurts, you need to let go and just be you without him...if it was meant to be you will be together.

Any chance there is another woman in the picture? An affair, or even having someone else in mind, can make someone feel they have fallen out of love with their spouse.

It all sounds familar, i would go to therapy just
For yourself not worry about him. My marriage
Counseling was a joke but i did get validation
From the therapist so that was a positive. I liked
Her a lot for just me, later on a got my own
therapist.

My ex was not depressed just very checked out and
Long gone and cheating in his heart among other
things. HUGS

Big hug for you DBD.... I am so sorry you're hurting so much...
I actually think it's a really good idea that you're both going to marriage counselling no matter what the outcome...
I think it's a way to both be heard in a healthy situation and you will have known that you have tried the best you can to work out whatever problems it is that you've had... It will also be a place that you can reach out for some support for you...
I wish you well... Another hug and a blessing...xo

If either of you are not working on meeting each others emotional needs.. You won't feel Ike you are in love with the other...
We had a rude awakening a year and a half ago... Worst Time In My Life!
Today, we are meeting each others emotional needs every day! You cannot meet each other's need if you don't know what they are.
Think of when you first met... There are books out there ... Sometimes you have fake it until you make it... It was hard at first... Going away during the weekend helped push us in the right direction... Go out! Never talk about "issues during dates" do nice things for each other. Ask him to give it six months.. But he has to TRY! and so do you!!
Only if you want it to work out.. If not then find a lawyer

I'm so sorry! A few years ago I found myself in a similar place in my marriage. 15 years of issues just came to a head and neither my wife nor I felt loved. I got to the point where I was ready to walk away if things didn't improve, even if it meant not getting to see my three wonderful children every day. Fortunately things did get better, and my wife and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary. But I realized during that difficult time that marital mediocrity was not an option for me. Single or married, I just wanted to be happy. Whichever way this goes (and I am truly so sorry you are going through it), keep fighting for joy. These are the moments that define us, that can leave us bitter or better depending on our choices. Give it everything you've got - and if it's not enough, at least you'll know you did all you could. I hope he gets the help he needs, too. It won't work unless he is willing to face his issues as well.

When I was married my husband began to act strangely and then came to me and said he loved me but wasn't in love with me. He moved out for 3 months and lived with his grandmother, not knowing for sure what he wanted to do. I did not know how I'd ever make it if he truly left me. It was 3 months of agony, for me. I hung on. He returned. Years later, when he was okay with spending the rest of our lives with me miserable and him just being an *sshole, I left. I have kicked myself ever since, for wasting all that time when I could have been building a life for myself. Meaning I actually realized that it would have been much better for me if he'd never have come back. So sometimes what seems frightening at the time, is actually the start of something good, a hump that you have to get over, to be able to see the clearer, brighter future. I know that you are in a frame of mind, and emotion, where you cannot relate to what I'm telling you, all you want his to have him back. If you two can't work things out to where you can both not just settle, but be HAPPY and feel loved, then remember that you can't make someone love you and want to be with you and it's time to let go. You deserve love. I do wish you both the best, happiness and love, and I hope that both of you can make things work.

Your patience and independence will see you through this which will enable him to see how strong you are and he'll respect you all the more for it. Your attitude is commendable. It's so easy to make things worse by our actions, and it sounds like you're strong enough to stay steady. He will admire this in you if he is feeling unsteady. Stay strong DBD!