Funnily enough it is something I have debated myself quite a bit.

I don't really believe that at my age it is majorly important at least not initially in the relationship. I myself would far prefer a really good meeting of the minds and sharing of common interests and passions for things. I wouldn't want to be totally put off physically, but I would rather that grows out of intimacy developing over time.

I am reading a very good book called the 7 levels of intimacy and the physical side of things is definitely not foremost in this book. I don't know that that answers your question really but just sharing some of my thoughts.
((hugs)) dear friend. If I was you I would just continue enjoying his company and see where it leads. Maybe if no physical chemistry develops he can just be a great friend. I love having male friends, just about as much as I love having female friends. Sometimes more so. :-)

I think it varies from person to person. my current bf it was strong and immediate .. but ive also dated guys that initially I did not find attractive, or have that kind of chemistry with, but over time and even one of them several years later, I became attracted and felt those vibes. to me it is relatively important. at least equally important...if i had no physical chemistry with a man i dont know I could ever be more than just a friend to him

I'm 55 and the physical chemistry is important to me in a relationship along with being connected on other levels, having things in common, respect, being on the same page with what we want in a relationship, etc. If I don't feel the physical chemistry for him and him for me, it would be a close friendship, not a long-term intimate relationship.

I agree - it is all individual.. You have to at least find your man attractive. However if I had to choose between great sex vs dedication to each other if I couldn't have both, I d choose the dedication.
I m getting older and while sex is great and fun it is becoming less and less important to me.

Thank you for your responses to my question. I've done a lot of soul-searching about this over the past week, and I decided that I can not move ahead with dating someone who I am not physically attracted to. He and I were friends in high school and then lost touch for many years. We got reacquainted at a mutual friend's benefit dinner a couple of months ago. He asked me out for dinner, and I accepted. He lives 3 hours from me, so we have only seen each other 6 times since the benefit, and I've been very careful to keep things very casual and non-physical. He and I had dinner last night, and I explained to him that right now there is just no chemistry there for me, but that I truly enjoy his friendship. I think he understood....time will tell. I guess the bottom line for me is that I now know that I need to feel physically attracted to my significant other, and I'd rather be alone than settle for a relationship without that piece of the puzzle. After being married for 25 years and then divorced, I'm hoping that there is a man out there that can be both a friend and lover to me. Settling for less just isn't an option for me because I don't think it's fair to either one of us.

If he lives this far away then there is really not much benefit to this if you can't realistically spend time together for extended periods of time..
Good luck with finding the right guy!!!

For me, physical chemistry happened with that first touch on that first date. I loved the feel of her silky mane of Asian hair. For her, my rough German-Irish looks weren't getting it done, but she likes BEING touched. She's like a dying plant in need of a little water. So has been the nature of our relationship. We're a little more than friends.

Healing T I totally agree with you.
I want both!

I just started dating someone who I actually met online a year ago.
At first I wasn't interested.
But about 2 weeks ago we started talking A LOT and have gone out twice and now I do find myself very attracted to him.

I want it all!

I am 49 by the way!!

Onetoomany - The way I look at it is, "I may be 50, but I'm not dead!" - lol. I would like to think that I still have many years of a potential sex-life ahead of me.... Now if I were 85 and physical chemistry was no longer an issue, I'd probably marry my friend in a heart-beat. I'd like to add that this is not an issue about his looks either. I suspect that the right pheromones aren't there, and that our personalities are too much alike to create a playful energy between us.

I hear you !!! we are still young babes!!!

For me, phermones are largely about scent. We humans are really not much different from animals in that respect. Does your beau pass the "sniff test"?

Koolman - It's not that he smelled bad.. All I can say is when I hugged him hello and good-bye I never had that feeling of "boy, I wish this guy would kiss me". It was like hugging my brother.. Now other people I have dated could come out of the hot sun after mowing the lawn smelling of sweat, and it was a very different story..... I really don't know how else to explain it. Definitely pheromones involved.

I agree you definitely need to feel an emotional and physical connection with him to be complete. I always say there 3 elements to physical success. You need Attraction, Chemistry and Heat. The man I with now, I met online we chatted a few weeks then met for dinner. At first I was not even attracted to him so forget the other two elements. But over time through phone conversations, I grew close to him in a friendly way and wished so badly that he was more attractive like the other guys I dated because he would be perfect for me. I didn't let a day go by without talking to him. I had even started dating another guy while he waited patiently in the friend zone. Suddenly, he started talking to me less and went out another woman. I was Jealous!!! I then decided to try to date him and see if there was more there. He planned the most romantic and thoughtful dates all based on things I loved to do(shows he listened) but I still felt nothing physical.

Until one day I visited him and he looked different. He'd grown a ghotee and lost a few pounds. I guess he just looked more confident.(now thats sexy) well he took it to a physical level that evening that shocked the hell out of me. He was an amazing lover. He listened during all those conversations and knew what i liked. We've been inseparable now for seven months and Im so happy. I say all that to say, I agree with you, but wanted to say life is full of surprises. When you meet your next potential man.. Understand that you may not feel immediate sparks. I almost missed out on having it all, friend/ lover, and Mr. Right.

hingiprin - You've made some very good points about attraction and that sometimes it comes in time. In my case, I don't think it will, but you never know.... We are still good friends and communicating daily, so I'll keep an open mind about it. I just don't think it's fair to him to keep him hanging on if I don't feel an attraction. He is a fantastic person and deserves to be with someone who wants him in every way. I'm glad that you have found someone who makes you so happy, and I'm hoping in time that will be the case for me too.

I would think both is vitally important, why do people cheat, because they are not sexually satisfied