Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Little bit of background first, been together for 5 years, lived together for nearly two. I am divorced, he always been confirmed bachelor.
He is very loving, thoughtful and generous as a rule but when we go out and he drinks he always makes sexual innuendo to other women, sometimes in front of me, sometimes he is unaware I am in close by and can watch and hear his behaviour.
I make it clear that I feel unrespected and find it humiliating and hurtful. He says he means nothing, just drunk talk. The other women by the way also find it offensive, I can tell by their reactions..
Why does he do this? should I listen to my gut that tells me that this is not normal behaviour from a loving partner and how should I deal with it?
My ex husband cheated on me, so I am perhaps a little untrusting and pick up on anything slightly untoward..am I scarred or do I have reason to be worried by this?
Any insight would be helpful thank you.
He is very loving, thoughtful and generous as a rule but when we go out and he drinks he always makes sexual innuendo to other women, sometimes in front of me, sometimes he is unaware I am in close by and can watch and hear his behaviour.
I make it clear that I feel unrespected and find it humiliating and hurtful. He says he means nothing, just drunk talk. The other women by the way also find it offensive, I can tell by their reactions..
Why does he do this? should I listen to my gut that tells me that this is not normal behaviour from a loving partner and how should I deal with it?
My ex husband cheated on me, so I am perhaps a little untrusting and pick up on anything slightly untoward..am I scarred or do I have reason to be worried by this?
Any insight would be helpful thank you.
what if it's really part of your bf's character? are u willing to live with that?
I am getting worried by this behaviour it has happened at least 4 times in the last 5 years .......
The two key indicators of a loving person are that they are respected, and respectful. It would be wise of you to find out what type of relationship he had with his mother, and what type of character is his father.
Your partner has learned his disrespectful way from someone, and if not from his father then from a negative but strong peer group member.
I would leave him, he is bound to make good on his cheating somewhere along the line.
He lived with his parents for many years , until 40 ish which I did think a bit weird and they are seem to be just normal loving people, they are lovely to me in every way.
He is a flirt, I have always known that even before we got together he was very much the eternal batchelor type. I get mixed messages only when he is drunk.... oh what to do? When I tackle the behavior he is very apologetic and makes up to me in loving ways and says he hates that he is a bad drunk (he hardly drinks anymore because of it) only on special occasions now as he knows he is a "bad drunk". Happilyhappy you called him a cheat is that what he is ? really ? please clarify why you called him that . I do appreciate your input x
you cannot change other people. you only have control over yourself and how you deal with things, of course, always in a healthy manner, that does not harm us most of all.
according to a friend in here in DS, there's a quote that says (i think by the late Maya Angelou) "when people show you what or who they are the first time, believe them."
yes people do change, but that's not certain. can you deal with that for life? what can you really settle with? and again people not change by the amount of understanding we give them, or the love we drown them with... to change is the other person's choice.
it was nice of you to communicate clearly and in a proper manner your boundaries.. but his reaction is his choice. it is not automatic that we get what we want.
self-love first.
If he really is Mr Wonderful the rest of the time, I can see why you don't want to do that, but you should be able to enjoy yourself when you are out and not be humiliated every time.
It would be kind of hard for me to live with this kind of resentment..
My so does things that are driving me close to break up, but then he makes up for it in other ways.
Can you ask him to stop drinking or have no more than one?
He needs to completely quit drinking. And this is coming from someone who had a problem with alcohol herself.