Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I am constantly paranoid that I have done something wrong, or my boyfriend will discover that I've done something wrong or find out something bad about me or discover one of my "white lies" or "fibs" I told back when I was trying to impress him. Whenever I don't hear from him, or whenever we aren't speaking- literally every minute- I am scared that he's discovered something bad about me, or that I've screwed things up in our last conversation (by saying something wrong or coming across as too eager). I enjoy my space and alone time- it is NOT about that. It's about needing constant reassurance that I have done nothing wrong and he still likes me. It' s almost like an obsessive behavior. If a night goes by that I don't hear from him, I think it's my fault and I begin to panic. He doesn't do anything to contribute to these thoughts- it's all in my head. How do I break this cycle and feel comfortable in this relationship? We have known each other for years but started dating about four months ago- I am head over heels for him. Another fear I have is contacting him first- I am terrified of seeming clingy or overbearing and pushing him away.
It sounds like you have some major insecurity issues that need some attention. Guess what.. we all did at some point, but we all need to find a way to work through these issues before we lay the negative on someone else. (hug)
You need to work on your beautiful self, sister. It sounds like you are carrying some major baggage from your childhood. And that shit needs to stay in your childhood, because you're an adult now.
Every morning tell yourself to Ease up and quit worrying so much. Be yourself. Allow people to love you for being yourself. Being someone you aren't isn't going to guarantee a relationship, hon. But being yourself will guarantee that when you find the 'right match'...it will be a piece of heaven.
If you find you can't get a grip and embrace the love you are being offered, consider going for a few therapy sessions. Life is short; but you'll be alive for many, many more years. Don't allow yourself to continue living; getting older and older without the blessing of finding peace and joy about who you are.
So what if you were right? What if your boyfriend found out a white lie, or found out something bad, or discovered something about you he didnt like?
What would happen?
Would life end? Wouldnt there be nothing else important to you? Would nothing else make you happy? Would you die?
No.
Its a boy. If he decides hes not that into you anymore, it sucks, sure- but you thank life for the good things the relationship brought you and apply it to other aspects of your world.
Focus your energy on other things that make you happy - hobbies, other friends, family, volunteering, etc. That way, youll be keeping your mind busy, investing time into your self value, and in the unlikely event that your fears come true, youll still have a backup life to keep you going.