Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi! I'm new to this group and I'm really in need of some advice about my relationship woes right now... A little disclaimer, I have been in a couple really bad NOT healthy relationships in the past but I'm really hoping the one I'm in currently is... not as problematic.
I've known my boyfriend for four years now but we have only been together as a couple a little less than a year. We have lived together longer than our relationship. Just like our friendship we have had ups and downs in our relationship but it was never this bad between us until COVID 19 locked down jobs, schools and practically everything non essential. At first, I thought like him that even though these were uncertain times, I welcome what I thought would be a brief break to enjoy some family time. However, after the first couple of days of the "quarantine " I quickly saw that was not the case for him. When we were both working during the week, we had a routine. Now that the routine was broken with lack of work due to coronavirus, his new job became social butterfly. Every day there was a different excuse to leave with someone in his circle of friends. Since we lived together at that time, it was very difficult to understand why all of a sudden, at the most critical time, he had an aversion to being home with me for more than a few hours. He just said he couldn't stay in the house all day, it made him feel bad but it had nothing to do with me. We started arguing at first about how he would leave in the middle of the night at 1am and 2am to hang with friends and give them rides to places. We argued over him doing this several times and each time, he would threaten to move out, then eventually calm down and say he's sorry and it won't happen again. When he did finally seemingly stop that behavior, he still stayed gone all day every day. Then when he did come back home he was usually drunk and passing out sleep. I was only getting a couple hours of time with him in the morning and resented that after he reserved that time for his friends all day, he'd still basically be gone because he was incapacitated.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
With that said it is not cool to just be getting up in the middle of the night to go out with buddies. He sounds bored and unable to create a routine. Maybe he’s one of those people who needs time away from his partner. I’m just guessing. My husband and I are both working from home right now and so we are spending like 24 hrs a day together. It’s taking all my energy not to lose my shit as a result. He’s perfectly fine with it.
If he was here he would be charged if he was caught..... It's dangerous to you as well as him
What's his history with drinking??
These are times of a lot of anxiety..... I think people have shorter fuses with one another at times
As rmb wrote he may be someone who just needs to get out of the house...
Could you two get out to go for a bike ride o do something together??….. Big hug.....xo
Obviously you're both expecting different things out of the relationship, which means you need to have a sit-down conversation and come to a compromise. This should be at a time when neither of you is upset, but you're both calm and open to talking. Maybe you can come to some kind of agreement that makes you both happy? He has a right to want to go out sometimes, but it matters how you feel too. Maybe you can agree that you won't mind when he leaves as long as he's home before a certain time? That's not an unreasonable expectation in a committed relationship.
Either way, I hope you guys get this worked out. God bless