Healthy Relationships Support Group

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One More Time..........HELP....

veggiequeen
veggiequeen

Hubby just asked me if I was still wanting a divorce and going to leave.   I told him yes.   He is angry and again tries all the same reasons for me to stay.  Inside, I am more resolved and calmer than I have ever been.  I am trying like hell to point out how this would be better for both of us (He is hearing a little, but in his mind all he thinks is how hard alone with one income)


If I do start to slide back into the familiar (yet miserable) existence again....please, I do need a gentle head slap or two.


Thanks

Gutted
Gutted
I believe you said you husband was on disability. I think it would be hard to leave him under those circumstances. He will have a difficult time making it on one income.

Having said that, I still don't see how his financial situation should impact your decision to leave. He's a grown up man. He can take a roommate, move into an efficiency, or live with family. All those are good options for someone on a fixed income. Leveraging your wife into staying in an unhappy marriage so he can continue to enjoy the same standard of living is not a viable option.

If his primary issue is money related, I'd walk outta there so fast it would make his head spin for suggesting that instead of love is worthy of consideration. That's just me and I'm kind a pissy about things like that.

The bottom line is, you are either going to prioritize your personal happiness over his need to maintain the status quo or you're going to continue on in the same situation. Only you can decide what's best for you.
yorman1
yorman1
Amen gutted....great response for sure...wow
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
I mentioned a lawyer.....but did tell him I haven't spoken to one yet. Thought we should do that together. He tells me again....HE doesn't want a divorce. He says he still loves me. His actions and treatment show me otherwise....no help, no affection, very very little communication. (I do try to consider the source though....He also came from a dysfunctional, undemonstrative family. He cannot do what he never learned.) That being said, he doesn't think too much of therapy... So while I have been reaching out, learning and working like hell to improve myself and make things better, I kinda feel like he is grabbing me by the ankles to keep me stuck and miserable.

BTW...he tells me not to presume to tell me how he feels about me.....Do his actions sound like someone who loves and doesn't want to loose someone?
11Christmases
11Christmases
I think you're under no obligation to discuss this with him anymore. He will be in denial until the end. Go and discreetly consult with a lawyer and don't tell him. You don't need his permission. Then think about your next step.