Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I am stuck totally totally stuck...sigh
Its about 2 months since I started working in my work environment. I think regulars at this forum will know what I have been going through. I am working with my girlfriend and it has been a rough ride. We have probably broken up and patched back about 3 times or more.
Each time we break up and we are forced to be friends with each other, she seems to treat me better but the moment we decide to get back together she just starts becoming cold and rather sharp with her words with me.
I totally understand that friends and lovers have different expectations but I cannot help but feel she is trying to push me away when we are together. Perhaps this has something to do with her past and her trust issues. Her mother walked out on her when she was a kid and she had a turbulent childhood of being a gangster, drugs and prison.
Ok actually you know what I really think she has trust issues and she is afraid to get to close to me. I mean I could be wrong but every time we get back together, she starts nit picking and pointing out all the things that is wrong with me. If god forbid should i do anything wrong she will raise a hell like no other. But there are reasons why I still keep coming back to her, I know when we are just friends she still cares for me more then a friend and more like a lover. And despite everything she has gone through in life I have the utmost respect for her high code of morality and the fact that she makes me feel secure.
I need to know how to get past her trust issues. I know talking to her directly and telling her she has trust issues is just going to blow things up. I need to know how to get her to realize it because all these nit picking and telling me off is just not going to do it for me. And i can't sit here and let it fester.
Its about 2 months since I started working in my work environment. I think regulars at this forum will know what I have been going through. I am working with my girlfriend and it has been a rough ride. We have probably broken up and patched back about 3 times or more.
Each time we break up and we are forced to be friends with each other, she seems to treat me better but the moment we decide to get back together she just starts becoming cold and rather sharp with her words with me.
I totally understand that friends and lovers have different expectations but I cannot help but feel she is trying to push me away when we are together. Perhaps this has something to do with her past and her trust issues. Her mother walked out on her when she was a kid and she had a turbulent childhood of being a gangster, drugs and prison.
Ok actually you know what I really think she has trust issues and she is afraid to get to close to me. I mean I could be wrong but every time we get back together, she starts nit picking and pointing out all the things that is wrong with me. If god forbid should i do anything wrong she will raise a hell like no other. But there are reasons why I still keep coming back to her, I know when we are just friends she still cares for me more then a friend and more like a lover. And despite everything she has gone through in life I have the utmost respect for her high code of morality and the fact that she makes me feel secure.
I need to know how to get past her trust issues. I know talking to her directly and telling her she has trust issues is just going to blow things up. I need to know how to get her to realize it because all these nit picking and telling me off is just not going to do it for me. And i can't sit here and let it fester.
When one can form a close friendship with their lover, and follow the same rules of respect as they do with their friends, this respect can form a strong bond that nurtures and grows their love for one another.
I so agree with you on this! But i seem to fail at it in many of my relationships. I am beginning to wonder maybe the problem is me. On a positive note. We had a breakthrough of sorts, she revealed some insights to me why she's been hard on me. While some of it is good for my personal development she is also aware that some of the faults is her's due to a rather scarring relationship she had with a man some 3 years ago.
She told me that when she met me she finally broke through this darkness that's been clouding her. She didn't go into the specifics and I dare not ask but I could feel something lifted off her soul. However she explained to me that she still needed some time to move on.
I am being extremely patient about this and avoiding any conflicts. Sometimes I suspect she lacks a direction in life that is why she is being the way she is. I dare not suggest anything she should do to make her life better as she gets edgy and snappy. I feel these things should come within her.
As it is I am often very quiet around her. Not that I am scared of her but rather I am scared of starting another fight so I am constantly on edge about being around her or being extra careful what i say. It's getting rather stressful for me but I know I have to weather this. I am holding on to the hope that there was a breakthrough.