Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi guys me again..*sigh*
I think i really just need to vent. I thought things ended a 2 weeks ago with my girlfriend when she decided end things. Somehow we patched back. Things were ok for a few days. I guess my source of frustration is whenever she gets mad at me for something, I really don't know what is it that she is upset about. She would rather just give me the cold treatment and ignore me or expect me to figure it out myself.
When I try to reach out to her and figure out what is wrong she flares up at me. I have tried all avenues to talk to her but all she ever does is get angry and flare up at me. Even though I do not shout at her or try to sound as calm as possible and use non aggressive words and tones, she still flares up.
I have given in to every avenue towards her to the best of my ability. Sometimes I suspect her anger comes from a place of not having her expectations of me met. While I know its perfectly normal to have certain expectations of their partners. Hers are well...I don't know how to describe it, its all about her mood and she is pretty temperamental.
Further more every time a quarrel comes up, it seems to be always me not understand her but when I ask what's wrong she clams up, gets more angry. Maybe I really don't get her at all.
I think i really just need to vent. I thought things ended a 2 weeks ago with my girlfriend when she decided end things. Somehow we patched back. Things were ok for a few days. I guess my source of frustration is whenever she gets mad at me for something, I really don't know what is it that she is upset about. She would rather just give me the cold treatment and ignore me or expect me to figure it out myself.
When I try to reach out to her and figure out what is wrong she flares up at me. I have tried all avenues to talk to her but all she ever does is get angry and flare up at me. Even though I do not shout at her or try to sound as calm as possible and use non aggressive words and tones, she still flares up.
I have given in to every avenue towards her to the best of my ability. Sometimes I suspect her anger comes from a place of not having her expectations of me met. While I know its perfectly normal to have certain expectations of their partners. Hers are well...I don't know how to describe it, its all about her mood and she is pretty temperamental.
Further more every time a quarrel comes up, it seems to be always me not understand her but when I ask what's wrong she clams up, gets more angry. Maybe I really don't get her at all.
Maybe it is a good idea to try something different. Is it a cultural thing to proclaim love for someone within a few weeks?
I've felt like this at times, and talking about it (with partner), sometimes made it worse (not necessarily because partner was un-supportive, sometimes yes, sometimes no). But sometimes I need to just mull it over in my head, or not think about it, before talking about it outloud. So as to not risk hurting feelings unnecessarily because I am grumpy, kwim? We all get in bad moods (emotions), and once something is said outloud, it's very, VERY, hard to take it back! Pick your battles right?
If I know I am grumpy, because it's something SO is doing (not just me being in a grumpy mood), yes, sure I will bring it up, But sometimes it takes me a few days to figure that out (if it's them or me, lack of sleep, sick, stress from work, whatever).
Also, when I get in one of those moods, where I pull pack, get quiet, I find it highly irritating, if my SO, keeps bringing it up (pestering), asking what is wrong, despite my re-assurance, it's not about them. Especially if they start picking fights (pointing out what is wrong with me). I may have no idea what I am feeling, or why. It may be simply because I didn't get enough sleep the night before, bad day at work, whatever.
However, if you're the type that needs to talk about EVERYTHING, frequently, including whatever is fleeting through your SO head at the moment, I doubt our current SO can/ will meet that. I know I couldn't.
I don't have nearly the issues that some have, with abuse, and such, I'm simply an introvert and it is hard for me to open up about myself (to lots of people, especially those I've only know a couple months or less). Once I've known a person for a while, sure, no problem, but I'm not going to make myself vulnerable to someone I hardly know (someone who has not proven their trustworthiness, might use the information against me).