Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Well I guess the subject title says it all. But let me explain a little more. My girlfriend has clinical depression and is also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. On an average day she's pleasant, funny and generally a wonderful person to hang around with. She's also a very attractive and is no stranger to lots of male and female attention whether she likes it or not.
Lately one of her old time guy friend shows up after losing contact over a misunderstanding with her for 2 years. She tells me that this guy has been in love with her for the last 7 years and is still in love with her now. While I understand she enjoys her renewed friendship with him, I'm worried that this would hurt my fragile relationship with her. I'm worried that she might fall in love with him....does this sound ridiculous?
My relationship with my gf has been a stormy ride, grasping her with her mental problems can be very trying on both me and her. Sometimes when I mean the best for her to stop certain habits that harms herself, she thinks that I am just trying to control her. Her number one bad habit is heavy drinking, when drunk her temper flares and things get really out of control. This is when she runs to friends who agree with her that I'm some kinda insecure control freak trying to run her life.
I'm afraid that this guy that's in love with her has no objections to feeding her alcoholic habits as whenever they go out its usually to a bar. I would like to trust my girlfriend not to do anything stupid but there seems to be a lot of bad vibes either that or I'm really insecure as what she says.
What do you think? Your thoughts would be most helpful! Thank you.
Lately one of her old time guy friend shows up after losing contact over a misunderstanding with her for 2 years. She tells me that this guy has been in love with her for the last 7 years and is still in love with her now. While I understand she enjoys her renewed friendship with him, I'm worried that this would hurt my fragile relationship with her. I'm worried that she might fall in love with him....does this sound ridiculous?
My relationship with my gf has been a stormy ride, grasping her with her mental problems can be very trying on both me and her. Sometimes when I mean the best for her to stop certain habits that harms herself, she thinks that I am just trying to control her. Her number one bad habit is heavy drinking, when drunk her temper flares and things get really out of control. This is when she runs to friends who agree with her that I'm some kinda insecure control freak trying to run her life.
I'm afraid that this guy that's in love with her has no objections to feeding her alcoholic habits as whenever they go out its usually to a bar. I would like to trust my girlfriend not to do anything stupid but there seems to be a lot of bad vibes either that or I'm really insecure as what she says.
What do you think? Your thoughts would be most helpful! Thank you.
I'm one of those people who is all for females being friends with males, but this one has disaster written all over it.
Why?
Simply because both parties don't agree that the relationship should just be a friendship. She THINKS its just a friendship, he WANTS more.
Then you pile on the issues with her borderline personality disorder and destructive alcoholic behavior....oY!
TBH, I don't get the vibe that you're insecure. I DO get the vibe that you're able to read red flags and you react to those.
You can't control her. You can't tell her what to do. You can only advise and say how things make you feel, and HOPE that she reacts accordingly.
IF I were you, which I'm not, I would leave the relationship. However, I grew up with a mentally ill alcoholic parent, so I have that bias (if it is a bias...) I'm not sure if you've known other alcoholics, but until she stops the drinking, things are going to be crazy, not only in her life, but in yours as well. And, you have the pleasure (ha) of watching someone destroy themselves. Not a fun time, not at all...
I wish you the best with whatever happens....
You need to set boundaries with her and do it now.
Thanks so much for your advice and kind words.At least I know I'm not crazy for thinking that I am overthinking the situation.
I have already tried the soft approach to warn her of all the red flags but she refuses to listen. So the only way is to live and let live and see how the situation unfolds. As it is, it looks like its heading south but I'm going to stick to my guns and weather this one out. Who knows right? :)