Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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naturelady08 03/15/2011

So, I have not logged into here for a while but it seemed like it might be a good place to come. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We have gotten to a point where we fight a lot. It has been this way for a while. We both love each other very much. But when we fight, I cry myself into hysterics and he walks away. I know I can be very co dependent at times but most the time I just want him to hug me, but he is too angry to. Has anyone else been through something similar? Can this be fixed. We never used to fight, it has just been the past 6 months or so. I just don't know whether to move on or if we can really fix it. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. Suggestions are much appreciated.

deleted_user 03/15/2011

what subjects set off the fights?

bigguy3 03/15/2011

There are a lot of men that will walk away when a woman starts to cry. Most of them feel that tears and crying are a form of emotional manipulation and want no part of it. Yelling and screaming are just as ineffective as crying is. Once you start yelling and screaming you stop listening and if you aren't listening then all you are doing it trying to beat the other person senseless with your OPINION. You have two ears on just one mouth ... you should listen twice as hard as you talk. Just my $0.02

naturelady08 03/15/2011

Thanks, yes, that is true.
As far as the subject of the fights...it is nothing consistent...it varies from time to time.

deleted_user 03/15/2011

"We have gotten to a point where we fight a lot. It has been this way for a while."

AND

"We both love each other very much."

You have issues to deal with if you are ever going to have a future together. Maybe it's time to go to some counseling...individually or together?

There are better ways to handle disagreements and if you don't find and practice theose better ways...there's a sign that reads "Misery Ahead".

deleted_user 03/15/2011

if there is no specific subject that sets off the fights, then you are either highly incompatible or very irritated.
if youu are highly incompatible there is no fun future for the two of you together.
if you are irritated, maybe tired, stressed, taking a mental break and doing something relaxing and fun might help.

koolman 03/17/2011

Are these fights about CONTROL?

deleted_user 03/17/2011

You shouldn't be offended by the walking away or the lack of a hug. Remember he is most likely upset by these fights as well. Try to be sympathetic and understand he needs to cool off. Him NOT walking away may mean more fighting. Who wants that?

Try to pay attention to who gets upset first in these situations and don't participate. If you find can't do this, it's your problem. If you find he is always instigating and you need to always cool him down or are the one backing off, there's something going on with him.

Another piece of advice on communication: Try discussing this problem when you are both calm and in a relatively good mood (i.e. NOT after or during a fight.). Make sure this discussion has a beginning, middle and end. If it can't be resolved in one sitting then leave it alone to the next time you can pick it up again. In between, try to have some lighter talk, laughs, smiles, etc. -- can't hurt!

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