Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My husband and I have been married for almost 4 months and things have been tough ever since we said "I do". We fight about everything, and I do mean everything. A simple disagreement over what to have for dinner will turn into an hour long screaming match about financial problems... I know things get blown out of proportion by both parties, but neither one of us know what to do to change it.
I am currently trying the "Love Dare" to see if it helps me change the way I deal with our arguments, but my husband doesn't know that I am trying this. So far I am making some progress in keeping my cool during disagreements and trying to listen and negotiate better, but it also seems as though my husband is getting fed up with all the fighting. Two nights ago he told me that if things don't start getting better we need to "think about going our separate ways." My heart just sank. He's been my best friend for 8 years and I've been in love with him just as long. I can't imagine my life without him, but I'm afraid that if something doesn't change soon, I will completely lose him.
I need some advice. What should I do? After 4 months of marriage, is it already time for counseling? Please help.
I am currently trying the "Love Dare" to see if it helps me change the way I deal with our arguments, but my husband doesn't know that I am trying this. So far I am making some progress in keeping my cool during disagreements and trying to listen and negotiate better, but it also seems as though my husband is getting fed up with all the fighting. Two nights ago he told me that if things don't start getting better we need to "think about going our separate ways." My heart just sank. He's been my best friend for 8 years and I've been in love with him just as long. I can't imagine my life without him, but I'm afraid that if something doesn't change soon, I will completely lose him.
I need some advice. What should I do? After 4 months of marriage, is it already time for counseling? Please help.
I am not an expert on relationships, but one thing I've learned a long time ago is that you can not swear and yell at each other in a relationship, because once the boundary of respect is crossed, it is really difficult to restore things to their original state - to the way you treated each other when you just started dating.
Counseling sounds really good, but also maybe you can start by setting rules of arguments like no yelling, no raising voice, counting to 10 before speaking if you are angry, do not discuss problems during meal time. etc.
No one wants to live in a home with a lot of negative energy.
I hope you guys work through this, all couple argue and go through hard time.
Good luck :)
How long did you two live together, "pretend" to be "husband and wife", before you got married? I have a feeling this started when you two started sharing the same domicile, and the same bills.
If these arguments are financial, a financial planner might be a better investment than a counselor. Finances are that tedious "necessary evil" that we all deal with, but they should be talked about calmly, logically, without it leading to a shouting match.