Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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adamjaysmom
adamjaysmom

I have a boyfriend of 16 years. I am 54 and he is 63. He is a very good guy. He shows my two grown boys, unconditional love.  We have tragic events going on right now which is very stressful. We need to develop better communication skills when interacting with each other. I don't know how to make him a priority and let him feel important in my life. I would value some suggestions and advice if anyone would like to share them. Thank you.

Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle
I'm 55 and my husband is 61; we have been together for 17 years (married 15). So our situations are similar. If you can be more specific about your situation and your struggles, perhaps you can get better and more helpful responses.
adamjaysmom
adamjaysmom
Very similar. I know we are in a rut. We watch tv and eat. We haven’t been intimate in years because I have no desire to. We argue about petty things. I believe we are too sensitive. We need new and different ways of communicating.
Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle
Quit arguing about "petty things". By definition, petty means of little importance, trivial, insignificant, inconsequential. So ask yourself, why must I argue over the little, insignificant worthless shit?

Quit nagging about the little shit. My relationship with my husband improved dramatically when I made the decision to quit trying to make him do things "my way' or do what I thought he should do. Once I realized that he has as much right to live his life the way he wants to as I do (as long as what he is doing is legal, moral and doesn't harm anyone.) So what if he likes to watch reruns of "COPS" for hours on end? He doesn't complain when I binge watch "Downton Abbey". So what if he doesn't fold the bath towels precisely the way I like them folded? Does that really matter when I want a clean towel after my bathing?

Do you share interests or do things together? My husband and I enjoy gardening together; we cook meals together sometimes. I love working together to achieve a mutual goal - like setting a vegetable garden or deciding together which new rose hybrid we will get this spring. One of my favorite things to do is work together in the kitchen, helping each other create dinner together. Working together (even minor household activities like changing a light bulb in an overhead fixture - you hold the ladder steady while I change the bulb) works to strengthen the bond between us - to make us a better team.