Healthy Relationships Support Group

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New relationship, old memories

shanbanan
shanbanan
So I've been off here for a while now but I'm back seeking a little advice or opinions....
I've been separated from my husband for nearly 7 months....these have been some of the best months of my life in a long time. I have self worth, I have financial freedom, and most importantly I'm happy. I wish the best for my ex but I know it's over and I will be divorcing him.
So in the meantime I have met someone....he has looked past my situation and we've now entered into a relationship and have been dating 4 months now. We have expressed our love for each other with "I love you" just a few weeks ago and he means a lot to me. He's everything I want in a partner and he makes me very happy. He asked me if I would want to get married again and I honestly thought I wouldn't want too just because of money and because I've been through it before....but whatever right? If I met the right guy and really knew in my heart that it was right, I would want too. So I told him that. Obviously I'm not rushing out to get married again at this moment, but it kind of made my heart flutter knowing he must have imagined a future with me to ask that question.
Anyways, I have my wedding album and my wedding video and photo CD. Is it weird that I want to hold on to those? My ex made me miserable and unhappy but we had some happy times and I shared 8 years with him. These are memories and I don't have them on display or anything but I do feel I want to hold onto them. Is this normal? Do you think my current boyfriend would take offence to that? I can ask him but I also feel it's my choice and it doesn't mean I'm holding on to my ex, it just means I want to have momentos.
Any thoughts?
Aronia
Aronia
Wow, girl! I m so proud of you. You weren't happy for a long time and you did it!
clearskye
clearskye
In my opinion it's totally normal to hold on to momentos of a different time in your life...they are memories... and every part of your past has made you who you are... some people want to erase parts of their past but removing those items won't erase the memories anyway... if you want to hang on to them... do it
LivingWater
LivingWater
When my sister was 18 and in college, her b/f of four years went to another college, cheated on her, and then broke up with her. She had hoped to marry him and was devastated. Eventually she met another boy at college and told our mom that she felt she loved him. My mother's response was "If you feel you love B, you have some housecleaning to do." My sister immediately knew what my mother meant. It meant that if she loved and married B, it would be inappropriate to hang on to old love letters that she kept in a shoebox from the first guy. She did destroy them. But it's an individual decision.
clearskye
clearskye
In my opinion it's totally normal to hold on to momentos of a different time in your life...they are memories... and every part of your past has made you who you are... some people want to erase parts of their past but removing those items won't erase the memories anyway... if you want to hang on to them... do it
calirn13
calirn13
Living water is right.. If you have family with man A .. Give it to them. Kids parents ect
onetoomany
onetoomany
I would not keep them out on display as you mentioned that you don't but I would keep them yes.

I am so happy that you are happy!
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
There's nothing wrong with enjoying some of the good memories... You met your new love just 3 months after escaping misery... I hope for you that it's the real deal... I would be a little wary of the rebound... I fell into happiness almost right after separating from unhappiness as well...Big hug and a blessing...xo
koolman
koolman
Keep the memories, and talk about them, good and bad! They're all part of your history, your life's journey! And memories are to be learned from! If we discard past memories, knowledge, including knowledge of our and each other's past mistakes, we're doomed to repeat those same mistakes! Wisdom is incorporating the past, with a deeper level of understanding, into our present and future. Those mistakes that you and your ex made are your verbal ammunition toward your current man as to explicitely, in great detail, WHY you do NOT want to be married again. If he can understand your statements and counter with his own statements about how being married to him will be different, how you and him will work together to avoid those pitfalls of your previous marriage, then you'll have some items to consider in maybe saying "yes" to being married to him.
happymama2j
happymama2j
It seems way too soon to be getting rid of something like that. Give it some time, keep them stored away to be respectful. But personally I wouldn't give up something that meaningful for someone I've only known a few months, no matter how well it is going. If it didn't work out for some reason, then you might regret getting rid of those things so quickly.
shanbanan
shanbanan
Thanks everyone for your input and feedback :)
racinggirl
racinggirl
Your past is your past- He should have no problem with you keeping them. As long as you are not looking at them daily, or dreaming about those days. Everyone has a past- Its what makes us who we are... He loves who you are- and should realize that your past is what led you to him eventually.
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