Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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andreal1973
andreal1973

I'm not sure if I'm in the right group, but I need somewhere to vent.  I've been in my current relationship for a little over 2 years now.  I'm really in need of emotional support, but when I ask my partner for it he either sits in silence, or gets on his phone, or does a physical or chore.  I Have been asking him to do something about this after we became serious and situations came up where I needed his support.  Currently my dad is in the hospital for a systemic infection from a hip surgery.  He has had seven surgeries so far.  I couldn't go to the hospital last night when my sister called because I'm sick with an asthma flare and can't go out in the cold.  My child is also sick.  I told her I could go for a bit, and she said "Don't inconvience yourself"  I have been  helping my parents with laundry, changing bedding, shopping, etc.  I can't do those things in colder months because of my asthma.  I have type 1 diabetes, Asthma, fibromyalgia, Neuropathy to name a few.  My youngest has major depression, Psychosis, Anxiety, Hypothyroidism, VCD, AMP.  We just found out our family pet has diabetes.  My father is also an Alcoholic.  My mom has COPD.  I feel like I'm being crushed by the weight of this.  I just need my bf to be there and tell me it's going to be alright, ask questions, be empathetic.  I have talked to him countless times about this.  I Don't know what else to do.



Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Gentle hug for you Andrea.... I was a caregiver for my parents and it's really hard.... On top of that you are dealing with a lot yourself and it must be overwhelming

It doesn't seem like your boyfriend is interested unfortunately and he turns a blind eye when he doesn't want to deal or help with something

If he's willing to get some therapy with you it may help to open his eyes however he has to be willing....
I'm sorry that you don't get the support that you need....

You might be better to reach out for support where you will get it...... MeetUp's have support groups.... Your doctor might be able to refer you to groups that might help.... The Diabetes Assoc's would probably have groups.... I'm glad that you are here

Gentle hug and a blessing....xo
Artchick
Artchick
I was going to suggest something similar. Sometimes I think they just don't know how to help or what to say. My son was in the hospital for 6 months after his burn accident and passed away in February. The guy I was dating wasn't really easy to talk to but he would give me a tissue if I started crying, etc. or a little hug. He wasn't very affectionate and wasn't good at talking about tough stuff. I would suggest a counselor for you for sure. You have alot on your plate. Hugs and prayers.
andreal1973
andreal1973
Thank you for the kind words. SunCloud JD, and Artchick. Artchick I am so sorry for the loss of your son. It is beyond anything I can imagine. You are such a strong person and very kind to respond to my post while dealing with your grief.
arielariana1
arielariana1
This is going to sound harsh, but I think you should take a look at the relationship. It's been two years which is plenty long enough for him to be a support to you in hard times without getting scared. He should be doing every thing he can to help you through all of this, and it sounds like he's not doing anything. He's not listening to you now,-- maybe there's a chance he'll listen in therapy, if he goes. Otherwise, I think you need someone who is a support in your life. Cut the cord.
andreal1973
andreal1973
I doesn't,sound harsh arielariana1, it sounds honest. He went to therapy yesterday after promising he was going to go and discuss how to communicate and be emotionally supportive. I asked him if he discussed anything about it and he said he had other things he needed to talk about. By the way, I have asked him repeatedly to talk to me about things that he is bothered by that I have done and even set up days to talk about it. He only wants to bring them up when I have an issue I want to discuss with him.
Artchick
Artchick
I may not have the best advice but I love having someone to chat with about guys and such. You can message me anytime. And thank you for your nice words also.
andreal1973
andreal1973
Thank you!
rmb
rmb
To me it sounds like he just may not know how or shuts down under emotional stress. I’ll be honest. I would not have asked him if he spoke to his therapist about how he can be more supportive and communicative. Therapy is never a straight line and it’s really his time to work out his shit, whatever that shit may be. I’m pretty sure his inability to communicate and be more emotionally supportive is directly a result of the other stuff he felt he needed to address in therapy. I’d really back off asking him about his therapy sessions. His therapy is not about or for you.

In the mean time, build a support network. My husband is rather stoic. I sometimes have to rely on others for support when I know I’m getting into an area where he will not be able to provide what I need.

I’m not trying to defend your partner but the truth is when we are overwhelmed by family, illness, issues and drama, our partners are affected as well and feel that too, but differently. Maybe you aren’t there for him in a way he needs as well. Maybe he feels all your energy is spent elsewhere.
Aronia
Aronia
Has your bf always been distant ?
If there are a lot of health problems in the picture and he has been taking care of eveyryone, he may be experiencing caregiver burnout ?
andreal1973
andreal1973
As far as emotionally, yes. He is good with running errands and such. When it comes to communication about feelings he says he is trying to think of what I want him to say. I tell him I want him to tell me how he feels.
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