Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Here is my story...
I separated from my ex husband in Aug 2006 and the divorce was final Oct 2007. As of Aug 2008 we are back together. However, I am very afraid. I may be pregnant and he is obviously the father, but he didn't tell me that he wants to be with me until I found out that I might be pregnant, but he doesn't want me to keep the baby. He says that he wants us to work on things and that we have been getting closer and closer everyday, but with a new baby it will come between us getting stronger. He also says that he wants us to have more children together in the future. So... My dilemma is that I might not be pregnant, a few tests came back positive and several came back negative. He wants me to do this herbal remedy that when I googled it most of the sights called it the home abortion or miscarriage. So he almost tricked me into doing this because I actually went and got the stuff to do it, because I thought it would just make me start my period. I don't know what to think and I don't want to lose him, but I don't agree with abortion and I will not do that. But I don't know for sure that I am even pregnant and I know I need to find out. I just want to know what everyone thinks about this.
I separated from my ex husband in Aug 2006 and the divorce was final Oct 2007. As of Aug 2008 we are back together. However, I am very afraid. I may be pregnant and he is obviously the father, but he didn't tell me that he wants to be with me until I found out that I might be pregnant, but he doesn't want me to keep the baby. He says that he wants us to work on things and that we have been getting closer and closer everyday, but with a new baby it will come between us getting stronger. He also says that he wants us to have more children together in the future. So... My dilemma is that I might not be pregnant, a few tests came back positive and several came back negative. He wants me to do this herbal remedy that when I googled it most of the sights called it the home abortion or miscarriage. So he almost tricked me into doing this because I actually went and got the stuff to do it, because I thought it would just make me start my period. I don't know what to think and I don't want to lose him, but I don't agree with abortion and I will not do that. But I don't know for sure that I am even pregnant and I know I need to find out. I just want to know what everyone thinks about this.
no man on this planet has the right to tell YOU to have an abortion...it's YOUR body....your choice.....
in my opinion...if you are...keep the baby...and get rid of him....
once a man can have an abortion....then at that time....let them dictate to us what to do ...
Though it would be good to find out for sure, as the first thing.
Good Luck with whatever you decide.
How do YOU feel about abortion? How do YOU feel about it if you are pregnant? Anything you decide I think you need to take some time for yourself to figure out how you feel about being pregnant and don't let him hold over your head that a baby would prevent you guys from getting close again... I don't know... something just doesn't sound right and I don't think you sound like you want to do something that drastic.
1) you don't seem to be on the same page about having the baby.
2) If he's already trying to "keep you" from the baby and you 2 do stay together, there will be some SERIOUS issues after the birth.
3) He was willing to lie to you to have his way. That is extreme disregard for your feelings.
4) If you stay together, and deliver, it is unlikely that he will be the kind of father the baby needs unless he makes some serious changes in the 3/4 of a year while you are nurturing life inside you.
Whether you're pregnant or not is not the issue here. If he's acting this way over a major life-changing event, he may be doing the same thing in a lot of areas of his life.
We can really damage a woman's psyche through our behaviors. Don't let us get away with that crap.
But, if his sticking around now is determined on whether or not you keep a baby..then he's not worth keeping.
High risk women have babies all the time, and with the proper care you can have a healthy baby and live to raise her.
It didn't sound like you were really considering that anymore, but I just wanted to emphasize what a bad idea it would be..Go see a doctor, find out if you're pregnant for sure, and then discuss your options (and the risks to your health) in depth and make your decisions based on knowledge.
Sincerely,
OldChurchGuy