Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So my story is I met this girl offline..we liked one another and decided to be in an exclusive relationship. She made good money..is a teacher and track coach..Even though I am not cream of the crop far as career and financial status goes I believe in integrity and loyalty. First off what I discovered in the first few weeks of dating is she went to the bar every week after work and on the way home..even if was to have a meal there are other places besides a bar to eat. She drank every day..even at home..just not in front of me..she claimed she was not in touch with her fwb who has a girlfriend..I discovered she was still in contact with him and started noticing when she would tell me something she mixed up her stories..anyhow the forth week she went to ny with her school she taught at at. Communication went from several times a day with texting and talking to one or two texts while she was away. Of course I was concerned but tried to let it go because she was watching kids and tired by the end of the day..anyhow she comes back and started becoming distant and less warm. She coaches track so afterwards she would go to the bar with the other coach with whom she told me would joke around about having a threesome with her and another assistant female coach. This jerk was getting engaged btw. Anyhow she defended him because she was her friend. Another stab in the heart. Anyhow we had an argument about how she was becoming more distant and I left her place and went home to mine..I came back that night and saw when she opened her phone she texted some guy saying she was single now..without us having a discussion. Claimed it was her fwb who was just a friend now but it was at the top so it was a first text..btw she kept all past lovers and messages in her phone. I only assumed that it was a new guy it being a first text. Maybe was a chaperone from the trip..or a guy from the bar..who knows!
Fast forward a week and I choose to believe her and give benefit of the doubt. still I was getting sick to my stomach because way she communicated and wanted to see me less. Turns out she was still talking and seeing the guy while with me. I broke up with her and of course I was heartbroken and lonely. Next day I had to call 911 for my mother to go to the hospital. Few health issues. I don't have many people left..just my mother and younger sister who I can't really talk to because of her communication skills...anyhow was just a bad time all around. I blocked her number so I could move on cold turkey and for the heck of it unblocked it few days later then removed her name out of the cell. I got a text. Forgot what it said..didn't respond so she called..I ignored the call but made the mistake of calling back to tell her what happened to my mother.
Sorry this is so long..just gotta vent it out..
Can't remember the conversation but we decided to try again..she was going to come over Friday and found out she turned her location setting on her iPad to show she was home instead of showing she was coming to my place. I said that was it..lot of things went through my mind. I never asked her to share her location thing with me she offered one time to show she was going home because of being tired and wasn't blowing me off..now I find out she uses her iPad to set the location to trick ppl like her friends and family into thinking she is home..so if she was tricking them she probably did it to me too..I admit I started questioning her a little when her stories got mixed up and her friend told her to forget me..so she didn't want her friend to see her at my place..there's much more that happen that I left out but many of her actions would make anyone see red flags.
Finally I said we should talk or text and see one another and that was it. So next week and half she texted me..not to say she missed me but stuff I can't remember so well because I deleted the texts with her name so just a number popped up..the other night when I wouldn't answer any texts she came over knocking at my door..decided to tell me she was at her fwb or the guy whoever he is. Someone I know was on a dating site and had a conversation which came out that she admitted to sleeping around..then he mentioned he knew me and he knew we dated prior that week and was gonna tell me..that's the reason for her knocking on my door to ask if I knew the guy..I said he already told me...even though we were so called broken up it still hurt to see her move on fast as she did..I know I'm probably not making sense but I truly believe she was sleeping around at the very least texting others. Guess I'm just hurt because we had all these plans at first then after the school trip things changed..she still texts me but I don't respond..she posts stuff on reddit how I accused her of lying making me look like the bad guy
Finally....has this ever happened to anyone and now did you mend a broken heart? I always have headaches..hardly eat..and depression and anxiety where my throat tightens up..
Thanks for reading all this..been a long time since I been on here..
Fast forward a week and I choose to believe her and give benefit of the doubt. still I was getting sick to my stomach because way she communicated and wanted to see me less. Turns out she was still talking and seeing the guy while with me. I broke up with her and of course I was heartbroken and lonely. Next day I had to call 911 for my mother to go to the hospital. Few health issues. I don't have many people left..just my mother and younger sister who I can't really talk to because of her communication skills...anyhow was just a bad time all around. I blocked her number so I could move on cold turkey and for the heck of it unblocked it few days later then removed her name out of the cell. I got a text. Forgot what it said..didn't respond so she called..I ignored the call but made the mistake of calling back to tell her what happened to my mother.
Sorry this is so long..just gotta vent it out..
Can't remember the conversation but we decided to try again..she was going to come over Friday and found out she turned her location setting on her iPad to show she was home instead of showing she was coming to my place. I said that was it..lot of things went through my mind. I never asked her to share her location thing with me she offered one time to show she was going home because of being tired and wasn't blowing me off..now I find out she uses her iPad to set the location to trick ppl like her friends and family into thinking she is home..so if she was tricking them she probably did it to me too..I admit I started questioning her a little when her stories got mixed up and her friend told her to forget me..so she didn't want her friend to see her at my place..there's much more that happen that I left out but many of her actions would make anyone see red flags.
Finally I said we should talk or text and see one another and that was it. So next week and half she texted me..not to say she missed me but stuff I can't remember so well because I deleted the texts with her name so just a number popped up..the other night when I wouldn't answer any texts she came over knocking at my door..decided to tell me she was at her fwb or the guy whoever he is. Someone I know was on a dating site and had a conversation which came out that she admitted to sleeping around..then he mentioned he knew me and he knew we dated prior that week and was gonna tell me..that's the reason for her knocking on my door to ask if I knew the guy..I said he already told me...even though we were so called broken up it still hurt to see her move on fast as she did..I know I'm probably not making sense but I truly believe she was sleeping around at the very least texting others. Guess I'm just hurt because we had all these plans at first then after the school trip things changed..she still texts me but I don't respond..she posts stuff on reddit how I accused her of lying making me look like the bad guy
Finally....has this ever happened to anyone and now did you mend a broken heart? I always have headaches..hardly eat..and depression and anxiety where my throat tightens up..
Thanks for reading all this..been a long time since I been on here..
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
You came to even like her venom
Spiders are good at twisting your head and heart all around
So much so that you think you in some way caused her to suck the life out of you
That is just what spiders do
You'll hurt and be a bit confused for a while
Let the slide bite venom pass, then you still hurt but you can get better from there
This was a train wreck from the word go chef... I'm sorry you were hurt so badly
I have heard a lot of caca about internet relationships... I think they need to be taken very slowly IMHO
Big hug for you and a blessing...xo
To decide that you are in love with someone, especially if she has given you reasons to be anxious and worried about her behavior.
I know sometimes we can't help it, but to me 4 weeks is just the beginning.. Not enough time to even commit.
If I find my self going nuts with emotion over someone I just met, it usually means that there are some big issues going on with me.
I am so sorry that you got hurt. I hope you will be be able
To move on, accept that it was a mistake and she is not a good person, not the right person for you.
Hugs
I still have not returned any texts or calls and it has stopped past couple days. Can't help but deal with being lonely and hard to think about another man's hands on someone I care about but she was willing so can't make people decide what to do..
I'm just still hurt and missing her..wanna reach out but I know if I do it'll only cause me more pain..truly I'm not a bad catch. I do have issues yeah but I have always been honest and loyal to the woman I was with..I don't hang out at bars or social scenes so online dating seemed like best avenue..I hope to make some friends here and please don't hesitate to inbox me..of course nice to have people in your area to meet up with but I hope to make friends here as well.
Since you said your career and financial status is not the greatest, what DO you do for a living? And how many hours a week do you do it? And is it what you want to be doing? And, if not, what DO you want to do? I ask because it seems like maybe you have a bit too much time on your hands to require frequent texts from this busy woman, the more you obsess about her and cling to her, the more you'll drive her away, and perhaps it's time to get a little busier on something that makes money yourself. More than money, something you're INTERESTED in, that makes you feel useful, that brings you pleasure. Doing this thing will take your mind off her, will give you more to talk about with her when you're together, besides just how you're feeling in the relationship, and will ultimately make you more attractive and interesting, to her or to anyone else. What else are you interested in besides her? What are your aptitudes? What are your hobbies? What are you good at? We're all good at something.
I'm sorry. Heartbreak is extremely hard. Try to turn your focus on you. I like what koolman said. Maybe you're not thrilled with your current work. Figure out what would inspires you. Then figure out a way to make it a reality. In the meantime, take extra good care of you. If you are satisfied with your current career, focus on a favorite hobby or join a meetup.
Recognizing there's always multiple sides to a story and I've only read yours, I still think your life will be greatly improved without her. Doesn't seem like it now, but have a little faith. It most definitely will.
You are not alone here and there are actually a few men on this site that have dealt with exactly the same thing your going through. Men and women both cheat for different and yet the same reasons and well the good people in this world just have to learn from our mistakes and move on to try and find better.
It sounds like you are a good caring man from reading your post and you have a good moral structure to you and to be honest men like us are very rare these days. I have been on DS for a long time and a lot of the story are same with the good women left in the world. They all get screwed over by selfish POS men. Part of the problem on both sides of men and women is that the good ones are giving and trustworthy, but are attracted to bad people.
I know its hard to think about a failed relationship, but really its your choice to sit and wallow in the grief or to move on and try again. I have been there myself and in time you will move on regardless, but thinking about what was lost is not going to help. What helped me was anger and using it to my advantage. See every time something poped into my head that was a good feeling of memory of a relationship I combated it with a bad feeling or memory and used that anger to keep the thoughts away.
It sounds to me you gave to her far to many chances and now you need to move on with your life and put her out with the trash where she belongs!
Best of luck!
I'm not looking for support from her and that method of being angry thinking of her comes to mind. Just hurts I wasn't important enough to someone I gave myself to emotionally too treated it like it was nothing. Since the past couple days I did block her and delete her number but emails kept coins and don't know how to block those..like sending me a song or whatever, couple days ago I spoke to her and told her what was on my mind and said there you have closure now..then she came back and said do I. I said yes but I lied..there are things I will never get answered and know about which I'm sure would just hurt me more..I just feel bad she wasn't the person who she claimed to be. Blowing me off several times to go out to the bar..and yes she is the type to take someone home and make the first approach. I'm truly a decent guy..I had women contacting me that I was talking to before and when I was with her I always told them I'm not available to date. Fact is she has guy friends who she messes around with that are co workers and engaged. She never had a problem being the other woman..just hurt and disappointed. Because what I've learned in my years that many women who do have guy friends do mess around even when in relationships..just harder as I've gotten older that I feel insecure and don't match up to younger guys..I'm not ugly I think but I'm not tall and could stand to loose a few. I don't have the abs women go for..and just saying but friend of mine who was dating online also does have the looks and could say anything to a woman and get positive attention back..like getting together with a woman is nothing for him where it takes work and I'm not the jerk type. Just lonely and bored which I know I could find something to do but it's hard to leave the apartment. I tend to try and sleep and stay in bed mostly where a year ago I was in the gym five days a week and was working steady. And since I got ill and out on weight and was in the hospital it's been hard to get back on track . Lostsoul..I hear you about moving on..it's just difficult when not many people in my life and it's not easy for me to go out and just make friends..even hanging out at a bar I couldn't finish my drink I've been so sick to my stomach over this,,wish I didn't care so much but no contact is the only way to move on..I get that..
Women aren't just only looking for great looking guys. When someone has low self esteem or insecurity, that isn't attractive. I've dated fat guys, skinny guys, tall guys, short guys when I was single. I think what I found attractive about any guy I dated that I liked was that they were complety comfortable with who they were and confident. THAT is attractive.
I would put your energy into getting yourself whole. I know you have struggles, but in all honesty, it sounds a bit like you use those struggles to not take action in your own life. Take small steps to start getting your life back. A girlfriend is not a substitute for finding happiness within yourself. Everything starts with us first. So stop lamenting what you once had and figure out a plan for your future. Talk to a therapist who can give you tools to do that.
Sorry for the tough love. I do believe you're a good guy. But I think you are putting far too much emphasis on this woman's actions and missteps and not enough on figuring out how to cultivate a life for yourself.
Let go of the young, hot, horny party drunkard. Meanwhile, keep talking with other ladies as you progress on your journey of healing! Pain shared is pain lessened. Your experience is not uncommon and sharing it helps others as well as yourself!