It's hard considering your in love with him. Think about it this way, if your best friend or daughter were in a similar situation, and you didn't know they were in love with the person, what would you wish for them? You would want to prevent them from pain, you would most likely advise them to keep their distance until the person was able to prove they were on a better path to healing i.e. a year out of rehab, and proved themselves worthy.

You can't choose who you fall for, but you can caution against a path that is not very stable. You can support this person, and wait for them to heal from this disease (wait until he's out of rehab) until you start to decide if he is worth pursuing.

I think the love and concern your family has is very valuable. Sometimes others are able to see something one is not when they are seeing things through rose colored glasses. The reality of the matter is this person is more likely to disappoint you and is unstable at the moment, too unstable to invest too much time, love, attention into for the time being. Like I mentioned, pursue with caution. Lean on your family, but once you've seen he's out of rehab and is able to prove he is trustworthy for your love investment then you can go for it.

I think it's possible, just the timing's not right.

Good luck to you! :)

You said:
"I have fallen for this guy and I know he is totally worth it."
Worth what?
Risking the loss of your relationships with your immediate family?

I'm not here to judge your decisions, but from what you say- this man has been away dealing with his disease for the majority of your very short relationship. He hasnt even had time to figure out who he is in a sober life. You dont know who he really is yet, and alcoholism is a very serious disease to get involved in, even if hes in recovery.
Getting sober is a VERY big life changing experience.

I can completely see the viewpoint of your family -their hearts and concerns are in the right place. Not only for you, but for your children (relapse in front of your 8 year old? YIKES!).

My advice would be - sinces hes so worth "it" - let him work through his recovery, and after being clean and sober for a year or so, and hes had time to develop himself as a sober individual in an adult life, reintroduce yourselves into each others lives. Your family is likely to relax and be much more accepting.
Your only risking your own and his health by rushing into a relationship instead of being patient for each other.

I think that people with serious problems make it stressful on the kids, because if we, as parents, are distracted and preoccupied with other people, the kids are still affected even if they don't know what goes on in our private lives.
One of my biggest regrets is putting my kids through this because of divorce and the issues I had with my bf in the past. I feel horrible about it even though I don't see any serious damage.. I just know that they hated seeing me worried and upset about something.
I will never allow this to happen again.
Please be careful.

i dont know how to say the stuff i want to say in a way that wont come off as ignorant to you, so im just gonna say before hand that I am honestly not trying to be rude, judgemental, or anything like that and my tone of voice is one of concern and not harsh.....

first u said u have only been seeing him for 4 months and for 3 of those 4 hes been in rehab. I met my boyfriend and fell in love with him the very day or the 2nd day after we met. so i believe that love at first site is possibly, and wont say it hasnt been long enough for u to actually love him, but its something to consider .. ( love/lust? love/lust?) But it hasnt been long enough that it would be detrimental to your life if you ditched the guy. you have family and more importantly your kids and yourself to watch out for. and now the next point,
my father was an alchaholic. i dont know if you have ever been involved with or related to an alchaholic in your past or if this is new to you.. but it is a very sad thing to watch and even more sad and frustrating and disturbing to live with.
it will affect you and your children and family, and in a bad way. in the long run, if he doesnt quit permenantly, he will tear your family apart, and you will eventually leave him and have nothing left.
your kids will be subjected to bullshit that they dont need to be around. there are many types of alchaholics ( mean ones, comical ones, black out ones, multi personality ones.. etc )
my father was a multi personality alchaholic, some times he was funny when he was drunk, and some times he was mean , i remember one morning i woke up and checked the message on my answering machine, from him, he had called at 3 am drunk off his ass calling me a whore and a pig and shit like that in the message. he often made random drunk calls. but regardless of the mood he was in when drunk, you ALWAYS knew when he was drunk.
he begged borrowed and starved sometimes to buy his alchahol. nothing could come between him and his bottle of rum. I cant stress enough how much maintenance it is to live with and or love an alchaholic. it is right up there next to heroin addiction, I dont think i have said enough to sway your decision, even though there is so much more i could say,
but ill end my rambling with one more fact. alchaholics destroy their bodies, mostly the liver. my dad died at 54 from an aneurysm that burst on him, but the dr said having done the autopsy that if he hadnt died from the aneurysm he didnt have much longer anyway cause his liver was in such bad condition.
so you dont have too too many years to love him before he is gone.
how much do u know about the guy?,, has he repeatedly tried rehab and failed, always going back?... maybe you should hit up an anon meeting or two, and get some more information. ( its a support group for family and friends of alchaholics.)
i strongly feel that u need to find a new love . there is another one out there, just give your self a chance to meet him

It is very possible to love and be in a healty relationship with an alcoholic -in recovery.
But you have to give them time to mold who they are as a sober individual, give them a chance to relapse and if so, get back on the right path without exposing yourself or your children to the event.
THEY have to find their feet.
I think its great that he is trying to better himself in his disease.. recovery from alcoholism is no easy task and many people are not strong enough to even admit they have gone off the deep end to begin with. Kudos to him.
Please be careful.

Thank you for your heartfelt concern and advice. I am proceeding with the utmost caution, knowing he still has a long road to recovery, even when he graduates in August from this year long, I house recovery program. There are many hurdles ahead, I do know, but if nothing else I hope to be there to support and encourage him. I will not involve my kids in this relationship further, on the advice of my counselor. Not until he has prove himself beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can remain sober. I know the studies are not in his favor, but I can still hope alcoholism doesn't take another victim to its death, like it did my mother and countless others. Thanks again. Curly