Healthy Relationships Support Group
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ok, so i need a little insight from someone other than myself.
my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years, living together for a little over a year. we have had to deal with some things outside from us (death in the family, my getting fired from my work) that we pulled through and supported each other great. we don't constantly fight, occasionally there will be a disagreement, but most relationships have those and should.
we share a bank account, have bought a vehicle together, share bills, have pets whom we love. we laugh and play, cuddle on the couch every night, have a good sex life.... we're practically married in every way.
my boyfriend tells me last night he is not happy, hasn't been for a couple months, and doesn't know why. he is not sure if we are only together due to financial security or if we really want to be. i'm confused, because to me i thought we're terrific. i could honestly see us spending our lives together. we have common opinions, goals, work ethic, humor.... he says at this moment he couldn't see us married, so why continue... though 6-8 months ago he said he could see us being married.
i just don't want him to give up like that, especially when we essentially have a good thing going. he agreed to try and see things through, but i don't know how committed he is to that.
what is going on? my past relationship ended in a situation extremely similar to this.... so what am i doing wrong? what is he thinking?
my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years, living together for a little over a year. we have had to deal with some things outside from us (death in the family, my getting fired from my work) that we pulled through and supported each other great. we don't constantly fight, occasionally there will be a disagreement, but most relationships have those and should.
we share a bank account, have bought a vehicle together, share bills, have pets whom we love. we laugh and play, cuddle on the couch every night, have a good sex life.... we're practically married in every way.
my boyfriend tells me last night he is not happy, hasn't been for a couple months, and doesn't know why. he is not sure if we are only together due to financial security or if we really want to be. i'm confused, because to me i thought we're terrific. i could honestly see us spending our lives together. we have common opinions, goals, work ethic, humor.... he says at this moment he couldn't see us married, so why continue... though 6-8 months ago he said he could see us being married.
i just don't want him to give up like that, especially when we essentially have a good thing going. he agreed to try and see things through, but i don't know how committed he is to that.
what is going on? my past relationship ended in a situation extremely similar to this.... so what am i doing wrong? what is he thinking?
It sounds like he is looking into the future and where it may be gong. Is he ready for the commitment of vows and not just the rest that goes with it? Keep your communications open with him and help him find the reason. ONe thing you haven't had kids so no matter what happens they will not be drawn in. Is he thinking he needs to be on his own? Has he been on his own before? These are questions you should think about in why he is feeling this way now after 2 years.
If you want to keep him, you will need to talk to him about it, get it out in the open.
If you suspect he may not want to say what's really on his mind, one trick you can use is to ask what he sees wrong in other relationships. Try to ignore the details and pay attention to the feelings and reasoning he uses. Then project those ideas back onto your own relationship as one way you can try to get at what's really bothering him.
Good Luck.
P.S. I like the idea of 3 bank accounts, yours, his and ours.