Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I have 3 children from my previous marriage, and I have been divorced for over 3 years. During this time I have been with my boyfriend for over 1 years. He painted a picture for me because he has no children of his readiness and wanting to settle down. He was going to buy us a house and we were looking at homes. Just recently we found out I was pregnant I am 11 weeks now. We had been trying for quite some time and we were thrilled to find the news. We have been having some issues where he likes to go out and drink with his buddies. That issue became a big problem this past weekend when he decided to go out and not come home until the morning. We had a big fight. to the point now he is saying he is not sure if he wants to be with me because the way that I am. I like most women do not want him going out and be out late at night all the time. He has a responsibility to me and now to this child and he needs to learn that. He says he wants his freedom and is not sure now if he wants to continue this. I am upset because he painted this picture and now he is changing things on me. He is more than willing to take part as a father. But, I didnt get pregnant on the intention for him to leave me and raise this child separately. I got pregnant because he had promised me a happy family life together. He basically said he wants his freedom. To me, his drinking and hanging with his buddies is more of a priority than settling down. So I ask what should I do? Should I abort this child? Should I carry and struggle with another child in hopes he will change? What do I do?
I don't think it is wrong to want your boyfriend not to go out too late, but I don't know how much he does it and what exactly your reaction is. I can understand how you feel but maybe if you don't compain about him going out will make him want to stay home, what you resist persist. Try to find social activities that you enjoy, perhaps a group of moms to get together for the children. Do this when he goes out with his friends.
Don't hang up too much to what he promised because people change and so do their goals.
Lots of Love
Drinking's not the healthiest way to hang with buddies, of course. Some type of outdoor physical activity would be better. Maybe he'll take up fishing at some point, something he could do with your son or daughter?
Have the child. Loosen up your notions about being a family. He's probably just having jitters. I think when he looks into his little son or daughter's face for the first time, he'll fall in love, with his child, and with you.
Just try not to let everything overwhelm you at once. Things have a way of working out in time. Just be honest with yourself and get that support. Wishing you the very best:)
My prayers are with you. I know this has been a very agonizing and painful decision to make, one that only you can make.
While I am anti-abortion, I can understand how it may be the best option. I pray for the time when abortion is not necessary - that unplanned/unwanted pregancies are a thing of the past., but I know that is unrealistic. So please, please learn from this situation. Don't put yourself at risk for pregnancy by a man who is not good father material. You not only have yourself to consider, but also your children. Make good choices for all of you. I believe that being raised by a strong single parent is much better than being raised in an unhealthy, dysfunctional environment with two parental figures.
Good luck, and God bless.
Having a baby won't change him - not having the baby won't change him - nothing you do or don't do will change him.