Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I really need some advice and figured I would turn to my DS friends for help. I would sincerely appreciate any input that anyone has.
My best friend and I have been like sisters since 94. We have so much history together. I am the God Mother to her two kids, have been there through a lot of lifes up and downs etc. Heck, we grew up together! She is funny, witty, smart, and often times very wild. We have always had such a great time. I know when I am around her more times than not I would have laughed until my face hurts!
My problem is our relationship has grown volatile and very one sided. She always in all the years Ive known her will go through phases where she is a really great friend - which that doesnt last long- to constantly taking, demanding and expecting. Usually when she starts that stuff I take a break from her. However, lately it has gotten worse. She is constantly trying to one up me, never has anything nice to say, and wont take responsibility for why things turn to crap in her life.
Just an example of what she is doing: When I told her my news of a very positive and supportive friend will becoming my room mate she said nothing at first but then waited until I got home and started texting me with mean hurtful things. She was basically making vicious jabs at my soon to be new room mate. I know she is jealous because she said she was before. She feels my friendship with my soon to be room mate takes away from her time with me. I reassured her that all is well and told hershe has her family and has to spend time with her family. I made it clear I have a life too and its not fair of her to expect me to sit around and wait. I have even gone out of my way by arranging lunch dates and trips to the park when its nice so we can hike together / spend time together so she could work through her feelings and she would know I am still a her best friend.
Ive tried to speak to her about the unbalance in our friendship before to no avail. She gets mad and belligerent then gives me the silent treatment that lasts for days and even weeks. When I ask her why is she acting like that she plays it off and chalks the silent treatment up to being busy. She also likes to play the victim and always says people like to pick on her.
I dont like games. I dont play games. She knows thisso why is she playing games with me and acting like a child?
I am torn to shreds and in tears over her behavior. I know that it is volatile. No one wants a toxic relationship in their life. I am trying so hard to better myself through making serious life changes and all she wants to do is try to hold me back. I cant have that. On the other handI dont want to lose my best friend of 17 years.
I would really truly appreciate any input anyone has on perhaps ways of approaching her (because perhaps I am doing something wrong here) or even ways, if need be, of breaking off the friendship.
Thank you so much!
My best friend and I have been like sisters since 94. We have so much history together. I am the God Mother to her two kids, have been there through a lot of lifes up and downs etc. Heck, we grew up together! She is funny, witty, smart, and often times very wild. We have always had such a great time. I know when I am around her more times than not I would have laughed until my face hurts!
My problem is our relationship has grown volatile and very one sided. She always in all the years Ive known her will go through phases where she is a really great friend - which that doesnt last long- to constantly taking, demanding and expecting. Usually when she starts that stuff I take a break from her. However, lately it has gotten worse. She is constantly trying to one up me, never has anything nice to say, and wont take responsibility for why things turn to crap in her life.
Just an example of what she is doing: When I told her my news of a very positive and supportive friend will becoming my room mate she said nothing at first but then waited until I got home and started texting me with mean hurtful things. She was basically making vicious jabs at my soon to be new room mate. I know she is jealous because she said she was before. She feels my friendship with my soon to be room mate takes away from her time with me. I reassured her that all is well and told hershe has her family and has to spend time with her family. I made it clear I have a life too and its not fair of her to expect me to sit around and wait. I have even gone out of my way by arranging lunch dates and trips to the park when its nice so we can hike together / spend time together so she could work through her feelings and she would know I am still a her best friend.
Ive tried to speak to her about the unbalance in our friendship before to no avail. She gets mad and belligerent then gives me the silent treatment that lasts for days and even weeks. When I ask her why is she acting like that she plays it off and chalks the silent treatment up to being busy. She also likes to play the victim and always says people like to pick on her.
I dont like games. I dont play games. She knows thisso why is she playing games with me and acting like a child?
I am torn to shreds and in tears over her behavior. I know that it is volatile. No one wants a toxic relationship in their life. I am trying so hard to better myself through making serious life changes and all she wants to do is try to hold me back. I cant have that. On the other handI dont want to lose my best friend of 17 years.
I would really truly appreciate any input anyone has on perhaps ways of approaching her (because perhaps I am doing something wrong here) or even ways, if need be, of breaking off the friendship.
Thank you so much!
When I got my first bf my best friend who had had many bf's didn't like it. I still spent most of my time with her, she was dating his brother! She gave me an ultimatum "him or me" I didn't choose her because after being there for her for many many years, it hurt me deeply that she would treat me that way. I chose him and she chose to write my mother a letter telling her that he was abusing me. I was living far from home working at the time. A real friend never would have done that. Friends just don't hurt friends if they can help it.
You hate to chuck 17 years of friendship, but this "friend" has become mighty abusive.
I am relieved to say that as of last night I broke it off with her after she pulled a very immature stunt and I saw her absolute true colors shine through. I am an adult and not really interested in dealing with people who wish to act like they are in highschool. Drama is not my thing!
I feel a sense of great peace but also sad it turned out like this.
It is true...we do out grow our friends. It is just really sad that as I grew she didnt.
As always I wish her the best and thanks again for the input! :)
Since letting her go my life has become way less drama filled. When I foun d out what all she had done I started to call her husband& tell him about her cheating but told myself I would be stooping to her level& he would believe her over me.
I hope one day you find true friends that treat you the way you deserve to be treatedtreated