Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My girlfriend came to visit me this Sunday. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and I have been on a 5 month relapse. An hour after she arrived I crashed. I felt terrible. I cried. The next day I went to see a doctor and when I came back to my place I felt really sick. I told my gf I had a good appointment but that I was feeling very sick and scared. I cried again. I asked her if she could understand my frustration of crashing after a 5 month relapse. I was afraid of having to start all over again. I told her that I had read on the web that people with cfs take a long time to recover after a crash. I had my own experience to prove it. I had been on relapse for 5 months. She told me i was too negative and she did not like negative men. So she was breaking off with me. I told her that I was positive when the 5 month relapse started but now it was harder for me to be positive. Nevertheless I told her I would be positive from now on. She made me write on my bedroom door that I was going to be positive from now on and that I would recover soon. So she took me back. One day passed and the next day she was in a very bad mood. She told me she was breaking up with me because a female friend of mine had called me on new years day to wish me a happy new year. She said I have something going on with that woman. That she was not just a friend. She said that she had seen her phone calls before. This woman calls me once every six months. I told her this whole thing was absurd and that a relationship has to be based on trust. Otherwise it is doomed. She said all men were the same. Cheaters. Her exhusband cheated on her and the next man she was with also cheated on her. I told her I was not that kind of man and that I have always been faithful to her. She left my apartment to take a cab to take her to the bus station to go to her home. But she came back an hour later and argued some more. Then she sat on my lap and started kissing me. We spent about an hour together until she finally left. She kissed me several times before she left. I dont know if we are still together. I dont think so. But what she did to me during her visit was very upsetting. We have had a really beautiful relationship for several months now. It has been bliss. But about two weeks ago she started to argue with me a lot. SHe was very angry at me. Now I dont know what to do. I dont know if I should stop calling her or what. I feel the happy and loving woman that shared several months with me is gone. NOw she is angry and unhappy. SHe told me I didnt make her happy. That makes me very sad because as I said we have had a beautiful relationshio until now. I have put my vey best into this relationship. I dont understan her behavior. My mother says she got tired of my illness.
And this is a sensitive area for her, cheating. She is extra sensitive to it.
This will get you NOWHERE with women and with people in general. When people sense that they can walk all over you, they will do it with pleasure and such creativity that you even come back for more.
Take charge of your situation and be more assertive. You are offering someone being there for them, expect the same in return.
She is clearly not a nice person.
I hope will feel better soon and remember that you deserve better in your love life !
She just doesn't seem like a caring or understanding person from the posts I've read of yours. She wants what she wants, when she wants it...she does not seem to take into consideration what you want or need.
Is that what you want long term?
The relationship may have been beautiful but, oftentimes, it takes several months for a person to show their true colors. Also, an event such as your CFS relapse can also show how a person really is as well. Obviously, for the long term, she is not willing to accept EVERYTHING about you.
Is that what you are willing to accept???
I'd definitely consider finding someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. As Aronia said...you are offering to be there for someone and you should expect the same in return. Not this bullshit of she'll be there when she wants or when it's convenient and only when you can provide her with what she wants.
Don't live not knowing the status of the relationship...I say, call her up, tell her you are done with her and the way she is treating you, and move on.
(((HUGS)))
I am/was the same way, man, so I know where you're coming from. I held on tight to someone who didn't want to hold me back and to someone who I knew wouldn't stay but I did it anyway.
You need to find someone who will do whatever they can to compromise and value the person you are and I need to do the same thing as well. Finding someone with the same goals is not easy I am learning, but it beats spending time on people who would rather be somewhere else.
I hope it all works out for you, man.
I agree with the others that you should concentrate on your health and not on her.
I wish you the best.