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Hi Guys I posted about a week ago about the differences between my girlfriend and myself. Which you can see here > http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Healthy_Relationships/forum/19604851-differences-and-opposites/page-2 .
Things have progressively gotten worst since and I am exhausted fighting for our relationship. I have thought about things a lot and to explain i have to start from the beginning.
When we started out, I broke up with her first week we were together as the differences between us was apparent already and was fearful of failure However I changed my mind and decided look fear in the eye and asked her for a second chance. Things were great for awhile but she was constantly asking me if I loved her and I would of course tell her that I do because I really really do! I know I made the mistake of shaking her trust in me when I broke up with her the first time.
Things progressively got worst when I had to travel to Japan for 2 weeks. She was extremely upset and constantly texted me to tell me how much she misses me. I mean I do miss her as well but it felt like she blamed me for going away to Japan when I had no choice on the matter but to go as the trip was already planned about a year ago and I would be letting down 4 other people if I didn't go.
When I got back the full force of her insecurities and other concerns blew me over. She keeps harping on me not understanding her despite my various attempts to listen and understand things from her pov. And yet when I ask, she clams up. When I compromise and accommodate her she gets unhappy because she feels that the person she fell in love with would never compromise or accommodate so easliy. I think part of the reason why she is upset with me compromising is because she can sense my tiredness. She told me to be myself and do as I please but when I want to take a break and do my own things she gets upset thinking that I don't love her anymore. So frustrating!
She says I've changed from the person she fell in love with, but I have never not once changed. Sure before I met her I was very involved with my fashion and styling career which I suppose adds an allure to my life as it seems very glamourous but to assure her and win her trust and to prove my love and spend time with her I had to give some of it up as it takes up alot of time.
Now everyday is a contradiction with her, I feel so lost. Its like every step I take is the wrong one. Her brother and friends are telling me to stay close to her, my friends even tried to speak to her. I looked hard into myself I really don't know what I am doing wrong. I feel so frustrated like I am talking to a wall. *Sigh*
Things have progressively gotten worst since and I am exhausted fighting for our relationship. I have thought about things a lot and to explain i have to start from the beginning.
When we started out, I broke up with her first week we were together as the differences between us was apparent already and was fearful of failure However I changed my mind and decided look fear in the eye and asked her for a second chance. Things were great for awhile but she was constantly asking me if I loved her and I would of course tell her that I do because I really really do! I know I made the mistake of shaking her trust in me when I broke up with her the first time.
Things progressively got worst when I had to travel to Japan for 2 weeks. She was extremely upset and constantly texted me to tell me how much she misses me. I mean I do miss her as well but it felt like she blamed me for going away to Japan when I had no choice on the matter but to go as the trip was already planned about a year ago and I would be letting down 4 other people if I didn't go.
When I got back the full force of her insecurities and other concerns blew me over. She keeps harping on me not understanding her despite my various attempts to listen and understand things from her pov. And yet when I ask, she clams up. When I compromise and accommodate her she gets unhappy because she feels that the person she fell in love with would never compromise or accommodate so easliy. I think part of the reason why she is upset with me compromising is because she can sense my tiredness. She told me to be myself and do as I please but when I want to take a break and do my own things she gets upset thinking that I don't love her anymore. So frustrating!
She says I've changed from the person she fell in love with, but I have never not once changed. Sure before I met her I was very involved with my fashion and styling career which I suppose adds an allure to my life as it seems very glamourous but to assure her and win her trust and to prove my love and spend time with her I had to give some of it up as it takes up alot of time.
Now everyday is a contradiction with her, I feel so lost. Its like every step I take is the wrong one. Her brother and friends are telling me to stay close to her, my friends even tried to speak to her. I looked hard into myself I really don't know what I am doing wrong. I feel so frustrated like I am talking to a wall. *Sigh*
My girlfriend did suggest that we take a step back from the relationship and be friends but that didn't last long as we ended up having sex...and I sure in hell do not want to be in a 'friends with benefits' situation.
I don't know where to turn anymore and i am about to throw in the towel not because I don't love her but because the relationship has come to a point where it feels very toxic.
You just came off a long term relationship and i m glad you are ready for another one, but i just think that playing " i love you" with
someone you just met is a recipe for crash and burn.
" you changed from the person i fell in love with" is a classic example. People do not change that quickly. She saw what she wanted to see, decided she loved you immediately and now is expecting.. What exactly?
I ve dated people who told me they loved me right away. This made me jump ship immediately. You dated me for whole 2 weeks, we haven't even had our first argument yet, you ve never seen me sick, broken, tired.. I have not disagreed with you yet or given you truth you dont want to see. You are in love with me because you see my best, what happens when you see my worst?
I hope this makes sense.
You make a strong point which I fully agree, I ran off the first time round because I had this feeling that she didn't really know me or she fell in love with the idea of me.
But we are working things out. Not all is lost.
If you act harshly at this point, it will drive her further away. It sounds like she's quite vulnerable, and perhaps her definition of loyalty from a partner differs from yours, it would be good to know how she defines it.
If she is clamming up when you ask, her vulnerability may be stopping her from being able to explain it to you. Often when an insecure person interacts or falls in love with a strong person, their vulnerability kicks in and they start to feel exposed and unsafe. They fear their emotions will be trampled, catapulting them into deep depression.
She may not be good at forming relationships because of her past and now that she's fallen in love with you, her insecurities are flying out of every crevice, and she is not able to manage them. She may be suggesting you both take a step back just to see your reaction, when she really needs you to hold on as tight as you can.
Again, I am making presumptions based on what you have posted so excuse me if I'm veering off.
I fully agree with holding her tight. She appears so strong but from what her brother and friends are telling me is that she is really a big softie inside and I believe so.
I could be wrong but sometimes I feel like she has fallen so deeply in love with me and she's afraid that the love will engulf her.
Was the Japan trip for business or pleasure? How long were you over there? Asian women are very beautiful, so actually I can understand your GF's insecurities.
She's no doubt very pretty and very sweet, but I wouldn't be able to deal with her ever-changing whims. I'd be outta there. But that's me.
Ah, I just read that you've only been dating a couple weeks. How can she even KNOW you in that time, much less be "in love" with you? Is she really young, like 18-21? Everything goes really fast at that age, and emotions are really volatile.
My only security right now is knowing that even her family and our friends are supportive of our relationship even if she doesn't see it. But if this fickle mindedness goes on I am so out of here.
Falls in love at the drop of a hat. VERY moody. Controlling.
Good luck with this one!
Oh god I hope not....I got out of a 3 year relationship with a girl suffering from borderline personality.