Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Ok well my best friend is a 24 year old white female and I'm a 20 year old black male. Well ok over the past 3 years since I've actually started hanging out with her and getting to know her I have developed very strong feelings for her. She has on numerous occasions said she doesnt date younger guys but right now she is dating a 21 year old so I don't know if she just isn't interested in me or not. I've asked her about relationships and thats when she said she don't date younger guys and she says constantly that she doesnt want to jeopardize our friendship. But the only time shes considered being with me is when another guy has hurt her or used her. So I'm getting the feeling that she just isnt interested in me as more than friends but she just hasnt actually came out and said it. So I mean how do I go about asking her about the way she sees me without offending her or running her off because its depressing knowing she told me she wont date younger guys but she is now.
...but i think that she's unsure. you said the only time she ever considers being with you is when another guy has hurt or used her. it SEEMS like that's where the unsure part is.
don't take this the wrong way, but when you're hurt, abused, used, put down...you tend to be vulnerable.
my experience...i'm a victim/of abuse (every type of abuse...by my ex). my best friend stayed by me the whole time...even when i shut him out, pushed him away, argued with him...everything. but in all honesty, i had strong feelings for him...
...i didn't talk to him for a whole year...and when i called him up one day, he was still there for me. he didn't push me away. i wanted to be more than friends with him (since before the abuse with the ex started), but i always thought...if my ex, who said he LOVED me, did that to me, what would keep my best friend from doing that to me?
i didn't want to chance losing what we had, so i didn't say anything. but my best friend was persistent...and almost three years later, i took a chance and we started dating....now we're married. ^_^
(note: i'd be in your best friend's shoes...and you'd be in my best friend's shoes)
now i'm not saying you'll end up getting married...and i'm not saying you should just assume she isn't interested.
just don't stop being there for her. she just needs time. do nice things for her...but DON'T buy her expensive things. you might end up being the one who's being used. you know?
maybe, ask her out to lunch...or something. and MAKE the lunch. doesn't have to be anything fancy. have a picnic...buy her flowers...and tell her how you feel at that time. lay it all out on the "table". don't "push" it on her...but just tell her how you feel...
...and if at the end, she says she isn't interested, or whatever the reason, let her know that you'll still be there...