Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I recently got into a huge fight, not just big, but our first fight, with my boyfriend. I had thought that I had a grasp on my insecurities, low self esteem, and jealousy. Turns out a big problem in our relationship is my low self esteem. He repeated some things that i've said to him that really took me by surprise. I never realized just how much I was sabatoging myself.
"Why are you with me?"
"What do you want from me in the future?"
"You're just going to end up finding a prettier, skinnier girl anyways."
I think you get the picture....when asking or saying these things I never thought it was that big of a deal. Apparently I was wrong and it's caused a huge riff in our relationship. He's starting to get annoyed with my lack of self esteem and is getting sick of me questioning his motives for being with me.
Any advice???
"Why are you with me?"
"What do you want from me in the future?"
"You're just going to end up finding a prettier, skinnier girl anyways."
I think you get the picture....when asking or saying these things I never thought it was that big of a deal. Apparently I was wrong and it's caused a huge riff in our relationship. He's starting to get annoyed with my lack of self esteem and is getting sick of me questioning his motives for being with me.
Any advice???
Since you are in the midst of sabotaging your very own life, you'll need to reconnect with a past or new counselor to help you through this. This will continue to be a repetitive behavior and ruin many good things in your life until you nip it in the bud.
It takes a long time to heal from that kind of thing. It took me years to really start to heal. Every time I thought I was OK, another wounds would surface. With a lot of hard work and help from friends, I was able to heal and move forward in a healthy relationship. But I couldn't have done it until I took the time to heal and fight for true happiness.
You really need to find a good counselor. Look for books on healing from abusive relationships. Until you work through this stuff, you won't be able to have a healthy relationship.
Have you tried thinking about the context in which you made those statements? Were you two talking about a specific topic? If you can pinpoint the source of the insecurity you can nip it in the bud.