Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Lots happening

colleen2017
colleen2017

So 2 weeks ago wednesday the guy I'm with son was taken to hospital. He was having signs of paranoia and hallucinating.  He is in a mental facility but is able to go home for the afternoons. Dr thinks it's likely due to allergy medicine and alcohol.  But needs to be watched and can't be alone and is on medication.  But could be Bipolar. So anyways of course him and his ex wife have been talking lots together. But keep in mind their son is 21yrs old. I've been supportive this entire time until tonight.  My ex picked up his son and took him to his son's place(his ex wifes place) so he stayed there only to find out he was with his ex almost all of the time. His excuse was his son was miserable. I said I thought you were going to take him to the driving range. But instead his son stayed in his room on the computer. I asked why didn't you watch the movie your son was watching? He said he talked to his ex wife about their son. I said no wonder he's miserable you guys are always talking about him. I said it's your son you should be spending time with not with your ex. You should be there for your son not your ex. Why would you be upstairs with her and leave your son alone when you just said you wanted to see your son but instead you ate supper with your ex for the second time in 3 days. 


I told him I don't understand why you need to be with her in her house when your son is by himself? I also said everyone has their comfort zones.  Being there for your son is one thing but chatting with your ex and having supper with her is another. 


Anyways he said he left one hell and came home to another hell. Well I'm sorry but I feel this is inappropriate. Plus he said it was depressing being with his son. Like really?  He's going through alot you should support him.  And like I told him, of course he's moody you and his mom's always talking about him.

colleen2017
colleen2017
I totally understand that him and his wife need to discuss things such as who is picking him up and taking him back. Or be together when the Dr called a meeting. But she's been controlling him say don't go until I'm there. And telling him to when to pick their son up. etc. After their son showed signs of improvement she started attacking him saying you shouldn't be too hard on their son etc. I said to him really? she said that, nice putting thd blame on you.
arfie
arfie
Is it possible to be ex-parents? We can be bad parents, horrible parents, absentee parents, but never ex-parents. I'm, wondering if he is talking to an ex-wife or his son's mother. Just wondering. . .

Seems possible that the son could benefit from the support of both his parents right now. Maybe. . . The presence of sniping exes where parents should be has been downright traumatic when I've witnessed it.

I think. Maybe. Guessing from afar with not too much detail to go on.

Gentle support, whichever way you take it.
colleen2017
colleen2017
Well that's thing his ex wife takes stabs at him. And yes support him but talking about him doesn't make sense while his downstairs by himself. Support him by being his friend
colleen2017
colleen2017
Their son said a couple of times I'd rather not have you guys bicker
colleen2017
colleen2017
plus it's more he's offered to clean her gutters etc. No acceptable in my eyes. Being there for their son understandable
arfie
arfie
Sounds like a hard time for everybody involved. Gentlest of supportive hugs.

Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
dinahmorris
dinahmorris
Good luck-put son first but make sure he is making steps to help himself,.Does bf want your input, if not-button it and give him heaps of space. Exes can be tricky but that is what they are. He's with you now. But not for long if you get on hois back outside of bed I mean lol. keep smiling!
colleen2017
colleen2017
He has been discussing things about his son all along. Really I can't say or do anything to make things better. But listening is important and being there for eachother is also. I've been supportive this entire time but things are being questionable at the moment
Not worried if he decides to stray if me saying he should be there for his son and not his ex makes him stray then its far from worth it.
colleen2017
colleen2017
I totally agree his son should be first. He went over to visit his son but instead spent the day with his ex wife.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
He just got out of the hospital and it doesn't even read like there is a definite diagnosis at the moment??

I would try and give him some space.... I'm sure that he must be really worried and upset right now and the parents of this young man would have a lot to discuss

Mental health isn't cut and dry and like some things in healthcare are .... It can take quite some time to make a diagnosis and then finding the right meds/combo can again take a long time....as well as other coping tools

Hopefully he will be able to discuss more with his son soon.... I understand it might be unsettling as his current partner ..... ..Big hug.....xo
colleen2017
colleen2017
I understand mental health is very serious. My ex husband has schizophrenia. I've been going through lots in my relationships. I too worry about his son. I'm only here for support as it's hard feeling I don't matter. I'm not aloud to see his son. Always an excuse like oh his mom might be there or he's moody. I suggested today we all go do something. But I just got an excuse. My 8yr old daughter asked why we couldn't see his son? I mean I feel the same.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Okay..... I would have a discussion with your partner then ....... Why can't you see his son?

If he just got out of the hospital he may be feeling fragile and not up to doing too much for a while

Getting on medication and playing with dosages can be really awful.... I went through that and it can be really miserable
rmb
rmb
Why are you so affected by his ex? Do you have a reason to feel threatened or worried about their relationship?
colleen2017
colleen2017
There's more to the story. Plus there is a saying if you feel therr is something wrong then there probably is. I'm only here for support please. My concern is the guy I'm with always says one day he will leave because of our age difference. So there will be insecurities.
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