We are social creatures. If we weren't, we would be like male elephants - mostly alone, just coming around once in a while for sex.

That's how I feel at times lol...that's why I'm here, to forge some type of social thing that is a bit more warm and fuzzy.

LOL if you want some warm and fuzzy quick, join the wednesday knittig group at the local YMCA lol
But seriously, I get what you are saying. It's tough to be alone. I miss it, because I used to write a lot when I was alone, but too much alone time is difficult.

Why do you think your soul is a black abyss?

Wow, the phrase "black abyss" says a lot. When I hear that phrase it kind of reminds me of a never ending fate almost, like an un-ending downward spiral.
Not to say everybody has a black soul, what if you called it a "white soul" then would that ending turmoil cease? It's a play with words I know, but a unique play with words none the less.
I can agree though...sometimes looking into anothers soul is more soothing indeed, but are you seeing what you really think is there or are you seeing what you "want" to see???
I totally agree too, being alone sucks as I have learned to live alone for the better part of 13 years (as I have learned to live alone since I was 11 years old), but one day you might not be alone and when you are finally with someone else do you see different shades of black or does that soul begin to take shape and color???

Niche pondered over those same questions.Can man overcome himself or will he be eternally condemned to his insecurities? The wholness of being at one with who we are not yearning not wanting surely a noble aspiration? to remove that empty feeling at the pit of our stomache not envy nor pity those in love but embrace our union with the pure simple pleasure and wonder of just being,to derive from that a sense that all life is precious that we are connected to our environment and become central to it.
Alas when at the centre of that vortex that abyss you descibed its hard to fight the feeling that lifes passing you by.The idea of true love like rainbows are distant beauties unatainable.
Still,Your brave, facing the elemnts not cowering behind the security blanket of a relationship.A few more like you and the world may become a better place to live.

It's not always black. But it's frequently an abyss. Guess I need to fill it with the clutter of intellectual stimulation and conversation like this.

Thanks, joy. And, yeah, Nietsche does have a great quote about this..."when you look long enough into the abyss, the abyss looks into you", used in James Cameron's landmark underwater film of the same title, The Abyss.

Guess, since my brother croaked, doubt and uncertainty has filled my soul. I know he's OK (in fact, I know he's great). But that doesn't stop me from missing him, not feeling his presence anymore, and simply wanting to talk with him. Silly and selfish, eh?

I believe we were designed to be "paired". While being single isn't a crime nor taboo, I think there's a limit to the season of singlehood (yes its a word I check "my" dictionary lol) Anyways I rather enjoy the voyage into the realm of another's darkness only if they are capable of journeying into mines. :)

pleasure koolman, I will re-watch the abyss with renewed a interest listening for the Nietsche quote in context.
your brothers passing feels like part of you has gone along with him for the ride to the airport.You can only go as far as the depatures entrance savouring those last few moments before the final goodbye.The world becomes a much colder place when we think of sunnier times.You want to keep his memory alive finish writing his story.
Like you last november I lost my older brother to cancer he was 46. It was 2 years from diagnosis to death which gave us the time to pack all the emotional belongings. I sent him reams of texts to reasure him how valued he was to everyone whos lives he touched. Now I still write texts to his old number as if somehow he is recieving them.
The fundamentals of life,the will to carry on has been compromised as the vital energy is never going to be as youthful in in its self-delusional quality.We are on the front line being bombarded by the ever closing artillary shells of doubt and uncertainty. sorry got to go now.. im being shouted at your next film project is beckonig.So no your not Silly nor selfish Kool just human

That's really nice, joy, and you're right, a part of me has indeed gone with him to the airport, and is, of course, unable to pass the final boarding hallway...so much of my life was tied up in his that, while I have a life, it doesn't feel complete anymore.

My brother passed very quickly, three months from diagnosis to death. I had time to talk to him, but didn't really know what he wanted me to say. If anything, he was more interested in MY life and how things were going, because it took his mind off his own situation, so that's what we talked about. I felt so impotent, like a schmuck, as far as knowing what to say and how to deal with him emotionally, except to say "I love you", which I did, but never talked about the possibility of death, and how we both felt about that, because I didn't want to dash his already-fragile hopes for survival. The truth is, I didn't want him to go. I needed him here. He was good for my mojo and certainly my sense of humor, and of course, he was very sweet and I loved him very much and still do. But I saw how much he was suffering and didn't want him to suffer anymore either. I wanted to say those things while he was lying there in the hospital bed, but I would've only broken down into tears (which I did on the way up to his room), but I'm not sure if that only would've agitated him more...or if it would've given him more of a will to fight, knowing that I loved him so much.

I frequently want to just pick up the phone and say "Hey, Mark! How things going over there in the afterlife?" I'm sure he's laughing his ass off and playing plenty of golf and racing the fastest cars in the unierse, hanging out with other dearly departed loved ones like our grandmother and his aunt Doris.

This is really interesting. Gives me a great idea for a movie..."tales to and from the other side" Sell it to the makers of My Sister's Keeper as a sequel.

i know exactly what you are talking about. I am fighting with everything i got to stay in a relationship that i am not sure is good for me anymore because the thought of facing my own black abyss alone terrifies me. I would rather spend my time dwelling in someone else\'s blackness than face my own