wow.. I was just thinking the same thing the other day!
This happens often with groups of Moms.. sometimes it seems that we are all wanting to talk about what is going on in our lives & it doesn't really seem like a conversation so much as a bragging fest full of interuppting each other to be heard. Not Good!
On a recent coffee get together I vowed not to be a conversation hog and I sipped my coffee and listened and asked a few questions .. it was a much better feeling than coming away frustrated from trying to talk and feeling like I hadn't been heard.

It's hard these days to find a relationship you enjoy being in, but its entirely possible! You need to know yourself before you can know what you really need to look for.

I always thought i knew myself-- but hence i didn't- i would pick the wrong guys over and over and over....You just have to find that personality that would go well with yours.

If you think you may be intimidating, find someone who doesn't get intimidated, and so forth :)

I think half of it is finding someone who isn't annoying, but the other half is simply choosing not to be annoyed. Accepting another person for who they are, just like you want from them. My husband can be a bit of a nerd. When he finds some idea he finds interesting, he absolutely HAS to share it. I could be annoyed by it... but when you think about it, it's something that excites him, and he wants to share that with me. So I play along, and I actually find that I learn something. As Brightside pointed out, sometimes you just have to try a different approach.

Yeah, I tend to be a bit competitive and adversarial, try not to be a know-it-all, because, of course, I DON'T know it all, but find this adversarial thing annoying, once it's been established.

Most recently, a buddy of mine contacted me out of the blue, was recently separated from his wife who cheated on him, I knew he was lonely, so I offered to pick us up some food and hang out, so we did. We both love movies, and love to talk about movies...our knowledge, about the technical and the storylines, is quite deep and encyclopedic...but sometimes I really don't give a fuck about dazzling him with knowledge, I would like to talk about the MEANING of a scene, and his mind tends to race a thousand miles a second, so we're at cross purposes...it's very difficult to go deep, which is what I'd like to do. I play along and butter up his ego, to the demise of MY ego, and MY feelings, and then I feel like shit. We're dudes who both like to feel powerful and intelligent, rubbing each other's rubarbs, keeping each other's mojos up. Guess we're always going to be adversarial, but I don't want that. I simply want to share, talk about feelings. I'm going to express exactly those words next time we're together.

I think the older we get the more choosey we get on who we want to hang out with. There are many regulations to whom I call real friends. To me a real friend is someone that you can be around in complete silence and still be in bliss where at the same time being able to say anything you want. Where you can converse back and forth without wanting to shut up cause you'll never get your point across. Which I have very few that are this way but the ones that are, are much appriciated.

I suppose I just need a friend I can TALK to. Really relax with and just talk, about anything and everything, sex, deepest, darkest fears, you name it. I have a few friends, but most of them are in such a rush to DO something that we don't seem to connect just through talking.

I had a really close friend I could talk with in my brother, but he's passed away. Maybe that's why everyone's dancing around me, I have this stink of darkness in the form of loss of death about me. But I still wanna have fun! I suppose it's my task to relax my friends, tell them I'm OK, and, when they feel warm with me, they'll relax and we'll get close again.

Very well said Brightside53, I am going to try and follow your example!! ;-)

very sorry for your loss koolman.

i like what locochica said...while others had some good points too.

just brings my thoughts to:

look how hard it is to *just gee-ha* with a *friend* and chill out with to:

and we wonder why its hard to be in a healthy, LT committed relationship?

while i dont command full front & center of all conversations, my pet peeve is being interupted when i do talk!

oye!.............aik

That the great think about messages boards like this one. . . . . you can't interupt anybody. ;-)

robbie said what I was going to say about the board and I have even had some good "conversations" uninterruped on FB

I get what your saying tho. Sometimes you can be talking and the other person spaces out and then when they talk they say almost exactly what you said like it was their thoughts. They don't listen, the just work or what they are going to say when you stop talking LOL

Thanks, guys!

Yeah, it's tough to find that "conversational rythm" Mainly it's all of our own pride and ego that gets in the way of really enjoying a satisfying "tone" with another.

When we can "comfortably share a silence", and just enjoy each other's warmth, breath and heartbeat, I think we can all agree that we've found a little slice of nirvana-!

Oh I so agree with your last reply Koolman. My EX always took my silence as me being mad or upset. I just don't feel the need to fill the air with mindless chatter. Having the same small talk over and over again is dumb.

That's right! Sometimes it's best to say nothing and wait to say something of QUALITY...

It's weird.. for 7 months things were great.

Now if I don't feel one, it's the other.