I left my really bad relationship about 20 years ago. Mine didn't end because I finally saw the light on my own, but because other people had to intervene and do a lot of education with me about what abuse was, how the cycle of violence works, and why it's so important to stop believing the lies abusers tell us about ourselves.

I think it's very good that you are making plans and getting educated.

You HAVE TO do what is best for you! I was with my Ex-wife for 18 years and she is Bi-polar and Borderline both diagnosed several times. She was always very moody and constantly gas lighting and screaming at me and starting fights. Then when our boys were born she started in on them and had NO parenting skills at all and pushed and pushed for our oldest son to be on medication since he was 2.5 years. Then she started pushing to have diagnosed Bi-polar also. I had him re-evaluated a couple of years ago and they removed that label from him. She was abusing her medications and got a DWI and had 13 suicide attempts and put me through 3 bankruptcies. That was when I asked for a divorce. So then she ran to her daddy and got the money and went and filed stating I was abusing her and I was an alcoholic also and abused my boys which was all lies, but she did it to WIN. I believe she is a Narcissistic Sociopath looking back on her behavior. After the divorced started she pushed more medication on my oldest son and almost killed him with an overdose. The abuse had become to much for me to handle and when it poored over onto my children I had to stop it.

I have been divorced from her for 6 years now and I still have personal issues from the abuse not to mention suffer from PTSD. You need to get out of that situation ASAP as it can take a long time to recover.
Big hugs and I wish you luck!

Big hug for you gd..... I was married to a narcissist/sociopath and they suck the life out of you.... Good for you doing what you have to to get to the next stage in your life
If you think he may be physically dangerous take steps to ensure your safety.
I ended up leaving in a terrible financial state however I felt so much better almost from the day that he was out of my life.... Life improved tenfold and once he was gone he was gone for good... He'll want to get in touch again and love you.... I let him know in no uncertain terms it was done
I learned a lot of good lessens getting out of that marriage.... Big hug for you.... I wish you well....xo

Recently, I bought this audiobook called 'The Co-Dependant User's Manual. The Narcissistic Abuser's Handbook' by Jon Bet. A man who suffered at the hands of his parents and siblings for many years. He wrote the book from the Narcissist's point of view. Surprisingly this book, more than anything else, has opened my eyes to my situation. It also showed me why it is that I keep second guessing my own judgement.

In the USA a lot of those methods used by narcissists in varying degrees of intensity are acts of conjugal violence. It is a good thing you are leaving. You gave no definite examples of the abuse. But still I'm glad you are leaving. I was a victim of conjugal violence here in Canada. The other person did nothing illegal. But it was conjugal violence just the same, denigrating me, picking arguments over nonissues and the like. I got help from a social worker who gives twelve free sessions about. It was a bad time. Make sure you have everything down right when you see your divorce lawyer. Those types can charm lawyers and judges and make YOU look like the loony tune in court and walk away as if nothing happenned.

I'm planning to use the journal here, over the next few months, to log both past and present incidents to help with the divorce process. Also to remind me, when things seem like they're getting better, that it's all part of the process of keeping me off balance and second guessing myself.

Its a great choice that you're making to leave your abuser , because I know from experience the feeling of emotional abuse that being with a narcissist can cause. Big hug to you!

you have taken a correct decision. i too married a person who was very clever emotional manipulator.i divorced him.when i lived with him i felt suicidal and hated my life and ,lived in fear .i thought i might even go crazy.after i divorced him i feel much better. we cant live with person who will make us feel suicidal and doubt our self worth. narcissism and emotional manipulation is kind of mental disorder. these narcissists or manipulators never change, counseling cant make them think healthily. they are a treat to people living with them.i advise you to be careful and never doubt sanity of your mind,dont sympathize with such people.sun cloud is correct in saying these people suck life out of you.narcissists are demons in human form.the mental torture narcissists inflict on others is the worst torture on earth.

It helps to know there are people here who empathize with me. I remember thinking 'James, you set your women up for a long fall' when everything started going downhill. You know, it's really hard because people still stop us and say there is a special vibe about us. That they can tell we truly love each other. I think we just have the gift of banter, and can horse around and make anyone laugh. It makes me cry to know that will be gone because he can't treat me right in private. I still love him, but also hate him with everything in my soul. It takes my best effort to keep it together in public, but when I'm alone at work, I break down and cry almost everyday. I am, fortunately, working alone for 2/3 of my night so I have privacy for these moments. And there is a group for victims of narcissist in my area that I discovered online through 'Meet-Up' support groups. They meet twice a month. I have joined and will meet them the second week of January. I hope. I work second shift and they only meet on Thursday. I'll just have to sit down with my boss and explain what's going on and get special permission for at least one day a month to start. I know my plans are what's right for me, and so I'll keep moving forward.
Hugs to all of you going through this as well.

My mother is in a similar situation and has finally come to accept that my father is psychologically abusive as of today. Do you have any advice/resources that you could share with me? I want to be as supportive of her as I possibly can be while also trying to cope with this family dynamic myself. Thank you.. and prayers for you and your bravery.

I don't think anything can beat a good counselor to help her through these first steps. Second would be a good support group of people she can relate to. If a counselor could give her a referral, that would be good too.
I can't afford these things right now, so I've gone through my employee crisis program which allows me some limited counseling that has been a tremendous help. I've also looked up support groups through meetup.com
The best thing you can do for her yourself is just be there for her to talk to. Understand that confusion will come with the emotions that are going to overcome her. I constantly doubt myself and sometimes feel like all the issues and problems were my fault. A narcissist is very good at making their victims doubt their own judgement. Keep telling her that she's on the right track in removing herself from a relationship that brings her so much pain. I have listened to a few audiobooks on abusive men to help me get a handle on what I'm dealing with and help with the self doubt. I'll put two of the most enlightening book titles at the end of this. These books will educate you and your Mom on the manipulation and thought process of an abusive man. I hope your Mom gets through this time quickly and starts believing in herself and her own strength. Good luck to both of you.
Books:
*Why Does He Do That!: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men By Lundy Bancroft

*The CoDependent's Users Manual: The Handbook of the Narcissistic Abuser by Jon Bet

I have been married for 6 years. I married a man that I thought had changed and was in love with me, the night before we wedded he stayed out and came home intoxicated. I should have ran then, but I stayed. I saw the red flags but ignored them. Drinking is a daily occurrence and he has lost jobs due to his nasty attitude, now unemployed he spends most of his time out of the house, which I love. He has actually forgotten my name replacing it with every nasty thing possible. We stop sleeping together 3 months after being married. I don't advocate physical abuse, however it has happen when I allow him to get under my skin. Then he started calling the police, unfortunately for him he was never believed. I learned to pretend he's talking to someone else which infuriates him, I write poetry about the behaviors he exhibits and for some reason it brings me peace. If you ever saw the war of the roses that us all about a house.