Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Well I come seeking some advice. The relationship I had with my ex -girlfriend was such a disaster left me feeling emotionally drained. I even feel like dating again is completely out of the question, but I know if I don't though I will end up locked inside my room for a better part of my life. I really wanna make things work with a girl so badly. I feel like I have a lot to offer, but learning to trust after things ended so horribly is something that has plauged my mind for around 5 years now. We had a beautiful relationship for 4 1/2 years things were going great for me. Then she moved up north to go to college...reassuring me that we would still be together, and make efforts to see each other frequently. then what do you know? The first god damn semester she is there she finds "the love of her life" (I suppose) and I'm left with nothing, but emptiness. I should've been there more plain & simple, but it's college I don't exactly have two of me that can be there for her, and make sure my tasks are being completed also... She ended up breaking up with me over a facebook message explaining to me how she is moved on from "us" and is happy with a member of her new team.Good for her I don't need someone like that in my life. That isn't the problem though. The problem is how do you handle emotions like that? I felt like I was in a healthy relationship for 4 years, and some change then she desides to up & leave mosey along with someone else. Will this happen to me again? Should I be worried about it? I know everyone is different, but I know it took very little to change her mind about me. I don't want to step into another relationship if I will end up shattered like that again. I cannot handle coming to D.S. to spill out what is left of me. Should I just not take it as seriously? How fair is that to my partner? Should I think about fairness after what has happened to me? Do you see all these questions in my mind? After you've been betrayed it seems like we build up this wall, and no one can come past the wall after someone has infiltrated it depleating all resources of love & companionship...trust... Where do I go from here? My confidence is at a severe all time low I need someone to help bring me back up. I'd like a companion to share the nights with. To talk with when things are incredibly difficult. I miss it... I miss being in a relationship. Especially with Valentine's Day coming up & all the activities that par-take with it. What should I do? Any advice or help would make me so happy. Thanks for reading this too...I kinda don't expect anyone to, but feel free to lend a helping hand to someone who needs comfort at the moment. Have a wonderful evening.
Building walls only makes your life miserable.
People DO hurt people. it happens. It's how you REACT to the hurt that defines your happiness. You can choose to let hurt immobilize you and put walls up, or you can ACCEPT hurt as part of life, and know that, when you get hurt, you'll scrape yourself up off the pavement and keep going and carry on.
I'd say accept the event as it was, as objectively as possible: She was far away from you and explored other options. And then say: So what? Don't invest all your emotional energy into one person, especially since you're young. Just use condoms and don't marry any of these goddamn girls.
"My confidence is at a severe all time low I need someone to help bring me back up."
No you don't. Confidence comes from you, not someone else. As soon as you put your reason for being you and wrap your entire self-esteem into someone else, you're doomed.
Thanks for the time to read & comment... you too Aronia very friendly site I am glad I'm here.
As kool man pointed out wisely - you dont NEED someone to prop you up in your own eyes.
Your value of self esteem can not be imposed by another person because once you rely on that, when this person is no longer there you crash emotionally...
I hate being alone and i understan where you are coming from - i have no body really in this world, but there is no way i m going to ever let a man take over my being and identity ( i m not saying a man will want to, it is basically all about what we build in our heads )
You are very young and learning still... I wish you had a good mentor by your side, then you would feel a lot better.
As i always say - if you feel badly about yourself and your life - go help other people who have it worse.
For this reason, i will probably be quitting my high paying job soon to go work with the poor in one of the worst neighborhoods in my area.
Time to shed some fat off my soul, because i ve been really whiny lately. Maybe this will help you as well :-)