Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
This isn't a romantic relationship, but this seems like the best group to ask this. I'll spare the details, but a couple years back I had a bad falling out with a very close friend. We had been like bothers for many years but after a lot of unpleasantness our friendship ended in an explosion. It had been going down hill for a long time, and I never know how to correct it. Now all I feel is hatred towards him. I don't want anything to do with him, and the thought of ever seeing him again makes me sick. I don't want to feel this way, I want to forgive him for all the pain he has caused me. I feel like that would be a massive weight off my shoulders, but I don't know how. Any advice would be appreciated.
There are people in my life who caused me some serious problems. I tried working kn forgiving them for years because these feelings poison the present, taking away from the sweet falovor of happiness by adding a bitter bite..
Working on fogiveness is a huge task in itself. I decided that i am just going to give up, because some people can work towards it and be OK and some people, like me for example, feel even worse being under self-induced pressure to achieve something that is not happening. Just like you can't force someone to fall in love with someone, i think you can't force yourself to forgive someone.
So, by saying to myself that am done trying to force the issue it actually worked for my benefit. My stance is that i dont owe anything to anybody and i dont have to forgive this person(s).
However, the second thing I ve done is I tried to understand what would make someone do what they did to me. What was my part in the incident?
For example - in many circumstance we choose to let certain people into our lives. We cant choose parents, but everything else does offer us olportunity to say yes or no. This friend was a friend of yours by choice and a lot of times when we really love someone, we miss the signs the uninvolved person will see.
So, by accepting that i chose to let someone shitty into my life i relieve myself of feeling of being a victim but rather a participant.
Most people do shitty things because something in their lives made them who they are and some can change and own up and some cant.
Some people are just broken, but i dont believe they are born that way.
Idk if this helps you, but it always helped me to let go of feeling angry.
There's a meditation practice called heart-centered meditation. You can Google it if you'd like. The thing is one first has to attain some proficiency at mindfulness meditation before proceeding to more advanced types like heart-centered or insight meditation.
I don't think this is a very popular path to take because it requires dedication, effort, practice (inside and outside of sitting meditation) and time.
The benefits are absolutely real and tangible.