I've been on DS a while now, have shared more than needed and gained some great insight. This post may get me, shall I say ostracized in many ways, however I shall be brave and weather the storm.

In Oct 2006, after a nights work, arrived home in time to see my son off to school, kiss the wife and then saunter off to bed. The mrs. came to the bedroom and informed me that with times being tough, she had wrapped my birthday present in a sheer babydoll negligee. Favorite present always.

After some time, we lay in each others arms, snuggling, pillow talking,drifting in and out of sleep. Our relationship had been strained to a point, she was in and out of hospitals, chronic back pain, employment was sketchy for her, I was working two jobs during the summer months to make our family survive.

Our sex life had dwindled, I slept in another bed,so as not to disturb her sleep, I did not feel she wanted me like before, she even expressed that sex was not as pleasurable after the last surgery, in my own lil world I felt as if I was not satisfying her. We talked about it, she assured me I was fine, and it was her. Still I felt terribly ashamed that I could not give her a better life and fulfill her desires.

That morning, my Bday, I told my wife this "honey, during my 1st marriage I had the chance to cheat, never did. During my second, never happened either. Now that I have found you, there is nothing more important to me than your happiness. I feel like I'm not satisfying you in any way, and if you feel the need to find another to get some satisfaction, you will, but please do not let me find out. Better yet help me figure out what I can do to rekindle what we had."

at this juncture she began to cry. first a sobbing cry, then an all out bawlfest. I kept asking why, no answer. pleaded with her to tell me what had sparked such emotion from her. She had never cried so hard in the 14yrs we were together except during a funeral. I became lost, we would not sleep together again til mid April the following year, her pain management dr. anointed her with meds, morphine being the biggy. Her bday I arranged a party of sorts, keg of beer, steaks baked potatoes, fried turkey and catfish, friends and family. Good time. but that would be the last. she filed in August 2007, I found out she indeed had sought attention elsewhere.
3+ yrs later, divorce in progress, I find out from family members that that day in October set this all in motion, I created my own demise.

How could I have done things differently, was her reaction the same as yours would be if faced with the same scenario, did my lack of confidence persuade her I was not worth it.
I had in no way wanted her to actually go out an find another, I wanted her to say and be happy, I wanted to hear "it will work out".

Say what you mean, mean what you say, damn! I wish I could go back to that spot in time, and redo it. But what should I have done, think I am pretty sure of what I should not have done. sorry so long.

let the stoning begin