Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So my boyfriend of 4 years moved to ny recently ( in june) and it's w/e cause it was a good choice for him and hes doing a lot better workwise and life wise. BUT i only get to see him 2 times a month and it sucks. It SUCKS FUCKING ASS. so he's here over thanksgiving vacation and like he REFUSES or like doesnt want to spend time with me, just us. I understand that he wants to see his old friends and all. BUT all i asked for was ONE FUCKING DAY. i swear that if i dont get one day, that i cant take it. its so hard for me already. its so hard. I miss him so much and i talked to him and was like can we have a "date day" like old times and he was like yeah definitely. and so today when i thought we were going to have some alone time, his sister came over. and i was like whatever i love her, shes like family, but then a SLEW of his friends came over too, and they are smoking MAD weed right now. and it makes me feel so hurt. i am just going to get in the shoower and cry. i know he loves me. but i feel like he just either doesnt care or i dont even know. i know i'm kind of demanding and i love him so much. i try tell myself over and over that if he is happy and still loves me that i am happy too, but i just am so sad. so here i am at his house, in the basement on my laptop while they are all outside by the fire smoking and drinking. and i just wanted one fucking day. and he changed his plans and while we were outside he was taking to his friends about what they are going to do tomorrow when that was supposed to be MY day. I know in a way i deserve it cause i've been such a bad person in the past, and i should just be happy that he is with me and cares about me. but i just am so sad. i want to cut so bad. i'm just a bad girlfriend. i cant be happy. i have to try make him do things he doesnt want to do when really we shoudl just compromise. but seroiusly 2 times a month and he doesnt come down ever to visit me. i have to sit on a bus for 5 fucking hours to go up there if i want to spend time with him usually. the only times he comes back to dc is for family things. and like. i feel so hurt and depressed. i'm sorry. i just had to get that out. i feel so embarassed for sitting here crying in the basement while they are all outside having fun, but i am just so sad.
I know you love him, but are you happy?
If you spend more time be miserable because of his actions, than you do being happy...you might want to take a step back and see if this is a relationship that has a chance.
Life is too short to be miserable over a guy who rather engage in illegal activity than spend time with you.
I would probably take an unhealthy, defiant, passive aggressive approach. I'd pack up my stuff, get in my car and go home...without saying a word. If he can't make the effort, why should you?
There are plenty of men out there that won't treat you that way. Don't settle for less than everything. You can't change him if he doesn't want to.
I guess this might not make you feel better, but I'm hoping that maybe you'll start to figure out that you don't have to be miserable. There are guys out there that will treat you with caring and respect that DON'T choose to engage in illegal activities.
You don't have to put up with that treatment. You deserve better!!
It always seemed way more important to me than to him.
I'm wondering how your personal need for quality time became you having a problem - this doesn't sound right.
I think you have a good idea posting your feelings about this situation and I hope you get plenty of replies which affirm your right to be treated well and to have your feelings respected.
You're the only one doing much giving; he's making little to no effort at all.
It takes two to compromise. What you're talking about is capitulation. On your part. He's treating you badly and you're trying to make it right by deciding that there's nothing wrong with what he's doing.
Not so. I think you should cut your losses and stop wasting time on and with someone who does not value you as you deserve. That only reinforces your feelings of not feeling valuable.
And speaking of cutting, please don't, sweetie!!!!
Whatever coping techniques you have employed in the past to keep you from giving in to the urge to cut, employ them now!!!! The short term relief only adds to the misery, long term.
The best of luck to you!! It's often very hard to see that things will ever get better, but time and experience has taught me that they almost always will!!!
Take care!!