Ive had a problem dealing with my girlfriends (past and present) having guy friends. Yes, I am a little insecure. But, I am also a guy and I know how guys think. I have also been in several situations where I was the guy a woman was friends with. Friends talk about their feelings and about things they may not feel comfortable talking to their significant other, or spouse, about. Sharing intimate details and feelings sometimes creates a bond between people that they may not have with their partner. One of, or both of, the friends may start feeling they have a better relationship with their friend than with their significant other and may feel that their friend is a better match for them. Ive been on both sides, as the friend, and as the unknowing significant other. Ive had women break up with their boyfriends and date me. Ive had women break up with me and date their guy friend that they hung out with when we were together. So I often feel justified in being suspicious of my girlfriends friendships with men. But, unfortunately, they often just think Im a jealous jerk

The reason I am writing about this is because Im going through that type of situation, right now, with my current girlfriend. Weve been together for over 2 years, and living together for a year and a half. We've had our share of problems, but we always seem to work them out. In the beginning, I told her of my experiences of friends of the opposite sex. She said she loves me very much and would never let anything like that happen with any guy friends she might have. At the time she didnt really have any guy friends. Now she does.

I met this friend this past winter. I was working a lot back then. My girl didnt have a car at the time, so Id drop her and her kids off at the daycare where she worked then pick her up when I got off work. The complex we live in has a building where her daycare is and indoor and outdoor pools. If she got off work earlier than I, she and the kids would go swimming and wait for me to pick them up. I went to pick them up one day and she introduced me to this guy. While she was getting the kids ready, her and this guy were joking and laughing and teasing each other. It was strange and sort of flirtatious. I was very uncomfortable with the whole thing, but didnt say anything. I just stood there. I was growing impatient. I was tired from a long day of work and was anxious to leave. She could tell I was getting impatient and told me I should wait in the car. I was angry. I knew I couldnt say anything because shed accuse me of being jealous and it would cause a scene. So I went to the car to wait. We had a heated discussion about it when we got home. I basically was told hes her friend and Ill just have to deal with it. I told her that I trusted her, but not him. She told me not to worry about it.

Recently, she got a car. She started taking a class one night a week. Sometimes I pick up the kids from her daycare because sometimes she goes right to class from work. One day a few weeks ago, I went to pick up the kids and that guy was outside the building. When she came out, they walked past me. She said hi, honey and he didnt even acknowledge my presence. He walked with her to her car as the kids came to my car a few spaces down from hers. He stood by her car talking while she put her stuff inside. She waved goodbye to me and the kids and left for class. He walked away.

My girlfriend has a friend that lives in our complex that she visits, sometimes overnight. Shes taken the kids over there to play with that girls daughter. One day, when my girl was at school and her kids were home with me, her son (hes 3) asked me if I liked mommas friend. I asked him who. He said the guy with black hair that went to the park with us. Her daughter (shes 5) interrupts and says theyre not supposed to talk about it. I asked her about what. She said theyre not supposed to tell me about mommas friend because I might get mad. I told her I wasnt mad. She said momma told her not to tell me. I did ask my girlfriend later that night who her daughter was talking about. She said it was the brother of her friend, whose house she sometimes spends the night at. She said that Id met him before at the pool and I didnt seem to like him so she didnt want the kids to mention him.

Then yesterday, her last night of class, I went to pick the kids up. And there he was sitting outside the door she comes out after work (the building with the daycare and the pool). The kids come out and say hi to him and continue on to me. She comes out then yells to the kids and I that she forgot to grab a soda and goes back inside. The guy follows her into the building. I wait for awhile while the kids get situated and in their seats. I asked them if they had a good day. I was trying to delay leaving for a minute to see if they came out together, or if maybe he was just there to go swimming. But I didnt want to make her think something was wrong because I was still there when she came out, so I left and drove home.

Maybe Im just being paranoid. She says theyre just friends and that hes only 18 and shes 25. I say, shes 25 and Im 38. Theyre closer to each others age than her and I are. Im confused. I dont want to be the jealous boyfriend. But, I also dont want to be blindsided.

What can I do?