Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My husband and I love each other very much, but we get on each others nerves and fight at least a few times a week. It's nothing big and it never lasts very long, but I wonder how can two people love each other so much and not get along half the time. I would never leave him and I know he wouldn't leave me, but I get tired of it sometimes.
If you love me you will see it my way!
It seems that love is this great big tool we use to try and make our views right. I used to think that everything was black and white. When things are black and white, someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. I used to think that she should see things my way because she loved me! In an argument I tried to convince her that I was right and would always come away disappointed. It wasnt until I learned to just shut up and consider her side of it, that the arguments turned into disagreements and the disappointment just disappeared. When I learned to just take whatever time was necessary to consider her viewpoint things got so much better. Yes,we still have the occasional argument but they are brief and we move on in a very short time. Remember too that if you take time to consider his side, he will see it as respect and will return that respect to you..
Good luck and leave love out of the argument!
for example - yesterday my husband took a cake out of the fridge, ate some and left the plate with the rest of the cake on the counter uncovered. This greatly irritates me, but I normally don't say anything. i put the cake away usually and then in 2 mintues I forget about the whole thing. Yesterday I happened to be royally pissed off by something so I told him that It bothers me when he leaves stuff out uncovered.
I just avoid conflict as much as possible, unless it is something serious.
we argue more than id like to, as well. i once said to my therapist that i really valued that my parents didnt argue infront of me as kids. i saw one fight between them. she said to me "i don tknow if that is all that healthy. people have to grow up understanding that in relationships there are going to be fights and that you can solve the fight with out having to leave one another."
this gave me a new outlook on fighting in general. i mean, my husband and i are so much alike and so damn stubborn that of course we are going to fight. i know my buttons and i have a short fuse..just as he. so its easy for us to get into stupd fights that really arent worth it all. in the end we usually laugh it off and give lots of hugs andkisses as we are both people who need the physical connection to feel love.
anyhow, point is, i think most couple fight as often, its how they end and how you work on the rest of the relationship that make it worth sticking through.
I agree with TESTGUY....You both need to communicate more and realize that it is more important to be happy, than right!! No one wins in this battle...you BOTH lose!! Fighting, damages the relationship, as things are said sometimes that cannot be taken back. You need to have a room or area that once the fight starts one of you can retreat to that room and it is considered "off bounds"...a cooling off place....or words like "red-zone" where the other person totally shuts down and backs off........try it....when this happens the other person knows that the argument MUST be NEUTRALIZED and not one more word is to be said, unless you are sitting calmly discussing it like TWO ADULTS.....Good Luck!! Jennifer
there are far more serious things to have a disagreement on- is it really important to fight over something like "he left the bath towel on the floor when the hamper is right next to the spot he left the towel", is it worth getting angry cause he didnt help me with putting the groceries away-
I mean just pick your battles. Sometimes, men are like 6 year olds, and when you realize "that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard", breathe, and keep going and tell yourself youre going to be the adult here.
My hubby and I fight because we are co-dependent, which happened in 2005 or 6, and I've been upset now and then ever since. He works at home, so do I and we see WAY TOO MUCH of each other, so I tend to dissolve into him and I dissolve him into me, whatever, but pretty soon, I really just need him to agree, which he doesn't, and I explode.
He finally got an office outside the home. I feel better already, although my codependent self really gave him Hell for doing it. The rest of me is tickled pink! And I'm feeling like liking him again. It's hard to love someone who never leaves you alone....they start to grate on your nerves.
Are you just spending too much time together? Do you have other friends that you go and do things with, without him? And does he go out with the guys a night a week? I feel better when I do that.
GOod luck!