Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Is it just my poor relationship skills?

darkhairedgirl1
darkhairedgirl1

I'm not a perfect listener but I try to be a very conscious, active listener. I often end up feeling drained after speaking to people that I have extensive or in-depth conversations with because I truly am 100% present in the conversation. But lately I've noticed this resentment bubbling up that I can't keep shoved down. More and more I do not want to talk with the people I interact with the most because I do not feel they are listening to me well. They either seem to cut me off every time I start a sentence, change the subject, or minimize my feelings. Yet, I don't know how to let them know this without a) hurting their feelings b) ruining the friendship or c) seemining like I'm the one with the problem and I'm being dramatic or something. Any advice?

victor
victor
I think you could benefit from some assertive training. Avoiding those people is not a solution. Developing self-confidence is. Start by associating with people who share same interests and concerns you do. People are more self-confident when dealing with subjects or skills they know. I have problem with this myself; I also tend to listen more and discredit my own needs. I guess if you can go to some group therapy, you can role play with someone and learn to be more assertive. It is an idea. Other people on DS may have other ideas. Good luck.
lostsoul72
lostsoul72
I can relate to your feelings here and I wish I had some good advice for you. I am sorry to say I don't though. I am a great listener and I love to help people and always have. The problem is I eventually get drained from giving all the time getting nothing or very little in return. Don't get me wrong I am not one to ever turn someone away, but I wish friendships worked both way for me. It seems like every I need someone there is no one there. I especially have a hard time with this in my real life friends. I feel it is society today. SO many people have become so busy with everything in their life that they forget to care about the ones that care for them.
I wish you luck and if you want to chat sometime I am here for you!
Sara25
Sara25
I think it's so important to talk and let your feeling out!! We all need to let it out sometimes, so do it! let them know your feeling! Tell them exactly how you feel! I am a nice person like you, but sometimes the "nice person" ends up being used or taken advantage up. I was a quiet person, and people toke advantage of that and walked all over me. The biggest lesson I have learned is to talk and let my feeling be heard. You can't keep things inside you, or you will burst. We are all human, and we need companionship, and good communication. Hope this helps! :)
mirandac
mirandac
One thing i have learned since my divorce and
Being in recovery people do not want to talk
About feelings and emotions and being reflective.

Its like its a foreign concept that they dont have
time For, also try to just express yourself to healthy
Loving caring people. Stay away from negative Or
uncaring people you are just wasting your breath
and time to express yourself. You just feel Worse
Afterward. Thats their aim.

Join some interesting groups or clubs. I have this
One friend we talked about deep subjects And
I really miss her. We use to walk our dogs daily
She is a very sensitive person into yoga, meditation
And she was willing to talk religion, feelings and
emotions. Hugs
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you dark... I often think people are more interested in being heard then in hearing... That's why listening is so treasured ....
A lot of people won't even let you get out a sentence before they want to give their reply... I don't think this is unusual...
I don't think that there's anything wrong with saying 'I wasn't finished voicing my thought' .... or once they've interrupted going back to what you were saying...
That isn't aggressive however you are getting back on point
If some people are doing it to the point that it's upsetting for you when you're in a calm state you can say that there's something you want to discuss if the person is important to you...
If they're not I would just not be available ... xo
gebaird
gebaird
Do you find that people are bringing you their complaints and problems without taking time to ask about your needs, wants and feelings? That could be at least part of the cause of your resentment. I am a very supportive and caring person, probably to a fault, but if a relationship becomes too one-sided for too long, I have to take a step back. I'm happy to engage in dialogue, but if the other person is constantly monologuing about his or her problems and never once stopping to ask how I am doing, it's an issue. Don't be afraid to express your feelings and needs in a conversation. If only one person benefits, it's not much of a relationship.
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